Wonky Donkey

In the late 90’s, at the height of their Saturday morning television fame, Ant and Dec had a game on their show called Wonky Donkey. The aim of the game was to guess what the animal was on the screen in front of you. The twist was that the animal would be altered in some way to ensure that it’s descriptive or complimentary element rhymed with the animal name.

For example, a three legged donkey, which Ant or Dec would wobble on the screen, would be a “Wonky Donkey”.

This theme was taken and used at friends very successful house party about 8 years ago.  Entrance to the party was only allowed if you brought your own adult-themed ‘Wonky Donkey’.  I took a toy monkey wrapped in black electrical tape with a cherry tomato in it’s mouth (Gimp Chimp), and there were many many other excellent entrants to the competition.

And now the party is being revived. This Saturday, another house party will take place with the theme Wonkey Donkey EXPLICIT.

This is where you come in.  I am looking for the rudest, most explicit, most bad taste wonky donkey you can think of, as I only have a few days to source the materials to make it.

To give you a hint, some previous entrants were:

  • Swine 69
  • Necrophile Crocodile
  • Spunky Monkey
  • Arse-bead Centipede

You get the idea.  So come on Internet peeps, show me just how clever and creative you all are…


  1. barnsley sime · April 20, 2009

    mole in your hole?

    crotchless pant ant?


    i’ll have a think at work tonight.

  2. barnsley sime · April 20, 2009

    ooh ooh!

    spunk skunk!

    laod up a toad

    intercourse horse

    spit or “swallow”

    (can’t think of owt rhyming with cunt yet)

  3. welshrocker01 · April 20, 2009

    fuck duck
    beaver receiver

  4. Doug · April 20, 2009

    At the risk of being obvious:

    Scat cat

    And one that might require some explanation:

    Cleveland Steamer Lemur

  5. KT · April 20, 2009

    Do we get a picture of the chosen creation?

    Gang bang orang-utan
    Pussy juice moose
    Deep throat stoat
    Tit wank fish tank

    You’re going to get a lot more google freaks after this I fear!

  6. Jaggy · April 20, 2009

    Tadger Badger

    Limp chimp

    Cludgie Budgie

    Shitty Kitty

  7. Mr Angry · April 20, 2009

    These are all really good. Particularly like Gang-bang orang-utan! (But I would have to buy several

    And yes, I will provide photographic evidence of my creation – and probably a few others too…

  8. Dungeekin · April 20, 2009

    How about:

    Gaping Goat?

    I’m sure regular net-browsers will know to what I refer…

    (and no, I’m not linking).


  9. sooz · April 20, 2009

    Being of naive and somewhat chaste and pure of mind, I can’t think of anything but found the ‘armadildo’ hilarious! (what ARE you all saying??? *off to google*)

  10. sooz · April 20, 2009

    (without the extra ‘of’ obv… *sigh*)

  11. sam · April 20, 2009

    Shag Stag
    Buggery Budgery
    Faggot Maggot
    Sperm Worm
    Blackbird Turd
    Love Juice Goose
    Masturbator Alligator
    Rape Ape
    Twat Gnat
    Butt Pound Hound
    Sperm Blizzard Lizard
    Wood PECKER

    (all with the help of my 14 year old son Richard who explained what a Cleveland Steamer Lemur was – why am I not surprised!!!!)

  12. Brennig Jones · April 20, 2009

    Borrow Cliff’s dog – Butt Plug Pug!

  13. JonnyB · April 20, 2009


  14. hmmm · April 20, 2009

    scabby whore labrador

  15. Mr Angry · April 20, 2009

    Thank you everybody – there are some excellent suggestions in there.

    I am not sure what a Bee learning to ride a motorbike is doing in there though JonnyB?

  16. Johnnie · April 20, 2009

    Just a twist on Dungeekin, but I think that Goatse Goaty has a certain ring to it.

  17. barnsley sime · April 20, 2009

    Ok..you wanted bad taste? how about..

    Rusty sheriffs badger

    Shaved twat cat

    Cunt juice moose? (Yay me… Managed it)

    Pubic lice mice

    Cock ring ling

    Anal rape ape

    Felching lemming

    (Its 2pm and I should be asleep. Hope you appreciate that)

    Have we had deep throat stoat?

  18. barnsley sime · April 20, 2009

    Ok…this is my best in my opinion.

    Autoerotic asphyxiation alsation.


  19. gnarlyswine · April 20, 2009

    fornication dalmatian?

  20. gnarlyswine · April 20, 2009

    raper tapir

  21. gnarlyswine · April 20, 2009

    Ku Klux Klan Orang-utan

    and its a bit of a stretch

    Auschwitz Ostrich

    either of those should be a sure fire party stopper.

  22. barnsley sime · April 20, 2009

    “Auschwitz Ostrich”
    “Ku Klux Klan Orang-utan”
    now theres funny!

    and a mention on the podcast! that’ll do for me.

  23. Scaryduck · April 20, 2009

    Sime: As any viewer of The Simpsons knows, it’s “Ku Klux Clam”

  24. JonnyB · April 20, 2009

    John Warboys Tortoise

  25. JonnyB · April 20, 2009

    NB of course you have to pronounce ‘tortoise’ as ‘tor-toyce’ as many people do.

    I’ve been worrying about this all afternoon.

  26. Mr Angry · April 20, 2009

    JonnyB – This is a problem. My roots are in the midlands which means I am inclined to pronounce totoise as if it had a ‘z’ in it.

    I suppose I could just do the same with John Warboys?

  27. Jax · April 20, 2009

    Eager Beaver
    Cock block
    Shrimp Pimp
    Eatyalater Alligator
    Boar Whore
    Cat Scat
    Sharkfin Blumpkin
    Bony Pony
    Abuck Duck
    Yak Wack

    Not rhyming but offensive and involving animals:
    Donkey Punch
    Hood Rat

  28. MrJolly · April 20, 2009

    Hard-sports horse

  29. Phil · April 20, 2009

    Fuck duck

  30. Mr Angry · April 20, 2009

    Thank you all for your excellent suggestions. I have made my choice and it is one that you came up with.

    I will post a photo over the weekend. When I have bought it, and ‘dressed’ it.

  31. gnarlyswine · April 20, 2009

    come on then – where is it.

  32. Hange Me Out To Dry · April 20, 2009

    which did you pick? where is the pic?