The Hospital

My friend TOWTAL (The One Who Talks A Lot) is in hospital with a broken leg and ankle, sustained whilst playing football on Saturday.

This meant a trip to the hospital on Sunday to visit him after his ankle had been pinned.

I don’t like hospitals.  I never have.  They are nothing like the television would have you believe, nothing at all.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that the makers of Scrubs have never set foot in a real hospital.

Towtal was in a bed in a room with four others, he had no television, or even a bulb in his reading light, so time was passing very slowly.  He is a member of Bupa, but he had not been able to reach them to sort out a private room as they are not available from Saturday lunchtime until Monday morning (if you pay for private medical care, please make sure you get sick during office hours).

Whilst I was there trying to take his mind off his injury by telling him about the run I had been on that morning, a lady came round with a menu.

This would be my first experience of hospital food.  Even if it was vicarious in nature.  The menu itself didn’t seem to bad, and certainly didn’t conjure images of prison food as I had imagined. I pointed out that some of the options looked almost as tasty as the delicious take-away that I would be having later that evening.

After a brief perusal, a frankly starving Towtal settled on Fish and Chips with strawberry trifle for dessert.  A choice I was quite impressed with.

A short while later, it arrived.

I am not sure that words can truly do it justice, except to say that I now know why no-one ever gets fat in Hospital, and it appears the NHS has done a deal to procure the global stocks of square fish.

This photo has not been digitally enhanced in any way.


  1. Mr Angry · March 2, 2009

    I’m wondering if a better title for this post would have been, “9 and 1/2 chips”.

  2. Keef · March 2, 2009

    The Govt is taking the fight against public obesity seriously then? If you were a true friend you would smuggle in an Indian takeaway for him.

  3. john gibson · March 2, 2009

    sooner your mate than me.

  4. fourstar · March 2, 2009

    At least you can tell where one foodstuff ends and the others begin. Orange, yellow and green; simple.

    My wife had to stay over with our little boy once and although the menu said “Lasagne with a side salad” it was essentially “Sludge with stuff and things”. Eeeewwww.

  5. ubermouth · March 2, 2009

    Not only would that not feed a fetus ,it’s high,high fat and low nutritional value.
    Someone call Jamie Oliver STAT!

  6. Brennig Jones · March 2, 2009

    Nine and a half chips and an oblong fish. That’s a win-win in the world of weird food. 🙂

  7. Oli · March 2, 2009

    Whatever my state I would have seriously hurt whichever nurse had brought that travesty to my table.

  8. Misty · March 2, 2009

    You can’t buy decent fish&chips where I live.
    I am sooo looking forward to an upcoming visit home, fish chips & mushy peas …. mmmmm.
    Get well soon Towtal.

  9. Bron · March 2, 2009

    My Grampa (94 years of age) was recently in hospital after he fell one night. He had an op on his brain to release the pressure resulting from the concussion. Did he complain about the pain or the enforced immobility? No. It was completely overshadowed by the disgusting hospital food. It was all he talked about for 2 weeks. I’m from South Africa. It seems like hospital food is equally awful around the world.

  10. Shannon · March 2, 2009

    What’s that green crap supposed to be??