Knock-off Nigel

There is a new advertising campaign under way aimed at preventing people downloading illegal films.  It centres on an individual known as Knock-off Nigel.

In the advert, a man dressed like a 70’s porn star serenades an office with tales of this despicable man, Knock-off Nigel.  Nigel, it seems, likes to download films from off of the Internet.  According to the porn star’s song, this makes him a ‘grubby little man’ who also commits other heinous crimes against his colleagues.  Such as stealing money from whip rounds, and taking your food from the fridge.   I can only assume he mentions these crimes in the song because these crimes are EXACTLY the same as downloading a film.

I actually see this advert as a sign of success for the anti-piracy campaigners.  This move to target slightly grubby office workers who must mean they have beaten their previous foes, as they are no longer telling us that counterfeit films “Support terrorists and drug dealers”.

It is a bit of a step down from terrorists, drug dealers and organised crime, to focussing on people who take your sandwiches from the fridge, but I admire their community minded campaign.  Linking crimes such as lunch-theft and ‘sneaking coins out of the whip round’ to ‘downloading films’ takes a certain level of skill, and possibly years of studying criminology.  I think it only fair that the advertisers tell us what else we should be looking out for, after all, they have done the research.

But why stop there?  By the same crime escalation logic whereby committing Crime A means you also commit Crime X, the guy in the office who smacks the secretary’s arse is probably a closet rapist who bums dogs in his spare time.  I think they should tell us everything they know.


  1. Shackleford Hurtmore · December 15, 2008

    If I had the talent, tools and time, I’d like to make a Pro-Piracy advert, where everyone in the office ridicules Full-Price Philip, who pays for his DVDs and music.

    Everyone could mock how much Full-Price Philip spends on things he could have for free, and then equate his spending on non-pirated discs as the reason why he’s so broke that he never buys a round in the pub or puts money in the whip rounds.

    The follow up advert could “follow the money” when someone buys a DVD in HMV, up the food chain to the media companies where indolent industry execs are sniffing cocaine off prostitutes tits, and slam home the hard-hitting conclusion that “buying DVDs funds prostitution and drug dealers”.

    If I only I had the talent, tools and time.

  2. Mr Angry · December 15, 2008

    Shackleford – That is an excellent idea. I have the time, just not the other two T’s.

  3. Keef · December 15, 2008

    I don’t download films off the internet not because I think it’s wrong but because with the odd exception most of them aren’t worth the effort. With most of them, making them is a bigger crime than stealing them.
    If I really want to see one I’ll go watch it at the cinema, In the whole of 2008 there has only been a grand total of four worth doing that for, anything else I watch it when it comes onto Sky Movies.
    How does downloading something and not paying for it fund terrorism? In order to fund something doesn’t money actually have to change hands? Or is there some credit system in operation whereby they keep track of how many times a film is downloaded and send money to Al-Qaeda a bit like you get money off of clicks on internet adverts.

  4. Brennig Jones · December 15, 2008

    I’m with Shackleford. You go do it, Angry.

  5. Lin · December 15, 2008

    Another vote. Go Angry, go!

  6. GrumpyB · December 15, 2008

    The terrorists are missing a trick here.

    If their broadcasts told us how they fund our free downloads, rather than all this head chopping malarkey, they’d be right up there on our Christmas Card lists.

  7. Megan · December 15, 2008

    So, I’m the only one who classifies people who steal lunches from office fridges as a crime approximately equal to terrorism? It wasn’t some manky old pre-wrapped sandwich by the way, it was home-made clam chowder and very, very delicious. So delicious in fact that I suspect the evil doer is now skulking ’round the local park and offering to fix up the local mollusc-based soup junkies.

  8. Shackleford Hurtmore · December 15, 2008


    Yes, people who steal lunches should be sent to Gitmo for waterboarding, surfboarding and chipboarding. But I don’t think DVD piracy is in the same league.

  9. Ade · December 15, 2008

    I think Clam Chowder sandwiches are definitely comparable with terrorism – is it possible that the sandwich was not, in fact stolen, but removed & disposed of, for the safety and protection of the owner and her other colleagues from Fishy Breath?