I go for a run

This morning, struck by the sunshine and the bathroom scales’ most recent verdict, I decided to go for a run.

I used to go running at least once a week, which combined with playing football and reasonably regular visits to the gym, kept me in shape.

But the scales have been telling me something very different recently.  I am currently just over a stone heavier than I was a year ago. I blame the event of my twenty-fourteenth year.  And the fact I haven’t played ninety minutes since October.  And I don’t go to the gym very often at all anymore.  And Tesco giving me vouchers for my favourite biscuits all the time.

So this morning I decided to go for a run.

There is a short route from my flat which takes me a short way into Windsor Great Park and lets me run back towards the castle.  It is scenic, and just over two miles.  I would take this route when I was in a hurry, didn’t have time to exercise properly, or had eaten a big meal fairly recently.  It is a 16/17 minute route, maybe 18 if I’m feeling sluggish.

When I’m fit.

This morning it took me 24 minutes.  And I had to stop to catch my breath.


You have no idea how unhappy this makes me.

I now sort of understand why fat people do not exercise.  It is a fucking god-awful experience when you are not fit.  It is actually painful. Almost half a hour after getting home I was still wheezing.

The new regime starts here.

And I’m sorry Tesco, you can send me all the clubcard vouchers you like, but no more chocolate cookies for me.


  1. Megan · March 16, 2009

    Terribly sad moment for me last year when I faced up to the fact that having once been in really good shape does not mean you ever and forever are for always. I mean, I used to run 45 minutes every damn night AND do 30 mile bike rides Saturday and Sunday. For years I did that, which obviously should mean that I earned peak condition for life. Yes, so I’m reading blogs for another five minutes before I have to go off and run the stairs for a while. This fit thing sucks.

  2. Equine Pimp · March 16, 2009

    I think it’s just a matter of putting it all into context.

    Carried my 4 year old son up the stairs to bed the other night. Was short of breath reading his bedtime story.

    Officially depressed at this.

    Went downstairs, opened beer, sat on sofa and realised that I don’t need to be in good shape to play golf (only sporting activity I still do)

    Officially stopped caring about being short of breath.

  3. Misty · March 16, 2009

    EP – move to a bungalow and you wouldn’t even need to worry about stairs!

  4. Tideliar · March 16, 2009

    I went for a run the other day. I knew it was 1 mile there and 1 mile back. I tried to start slowly cos it’s been a while. I ran there in just over 4mins. Not a good plan. The run back took nearly 10, and I couldn’t walk or take the stairs for a fucking week…

  5. sam · March 16, 2009

    I was most disgruntled the other day when, on weighing myself, I realized that I gained quite a bit of weight.

    I told my husband that I was fed up and he, in his most chivalrous moment to date, told me that it was interest, I was now twice the woman he married and he was grateful for every last ounce.

    Twice the woman he married, his dinner is in the dog……

  6. Z · March 16, 2009

    I wondered what happened to that weight I lost. I didn’t realise it ended up with you. Thanks awfully, Angry.

  7. Robbo · March 16, 2009

    Angry, it’s the carbs. Ditch them, and after a while exercise won’t be so painful.

  8. john gibson · March 16, 2009

    there is no need for all this, just take it easy and be a big fat lazy cunt, like me.
    Regards John

  9. wolf · March 16, 2009

    After not exercising for way too long, I started walking, and then biking. Probably the easiest way to ease back into the in-shape thing. Running? You’ll never catch me doing it, unless I’ve just clipped the blue wire instead of the red one.

  10. Keef · March 16, 2009

    That’s one thing that puzzles me Wolf, why do terrorists always use the right colour wires when they’re building a bomb? Is there some course you have to go on before you can build a bomb? some certificate you have to get? If I was making a bomb in my shed, I’d just use whatever bits of wire happened to be at hand. If you’re planning on blowing up a building or a plane would you really worry about following the proper bomb making guidelines?

  11. Mr Angry · March 16, 2009

    And why bother with an LCD timer, who is that helping, exactly?

    This has given me an idea for tonight’s podcast, thanks Keef/wolf.

  12. ex-flatmate · March 16, 2009

    Angry…you coming to the pub for paddies day then. Nice and healthy and slimming Guiness to be had.

    You can run there if it makes you feel better.

  13. Mr Angry · March 16, 2009

    I can’t! I’m recording a podcast tonight, boo!