Cock and Balls

I have travelled to or from most airports in the UK.  Most of the nine London airports, Manchester, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Luton, and of course Birmingham International.

It was this last airport that had my attention drawn to it by a friend who works as a pilot after he had been reading their annual report from the website. Available by clicking here.

After reading the first ten pages of boring aviation stuff and corporate information, he got to page 11 about Safety and Security, something of obvious interest to a pilot.  That is when he noticed their choice of image to accompany the security message.  I have included it below to save me describing it (click the image for the full size view).

I appreciate him sending it to me, and it is heart-warming to know that that there are people out there, no matter how old they get, or how responsible their job, they will always be on the lookout for a cheap knob-gag.  For that I am truly grateful.

It then begs the question of what sort of person is unable to pack for their holiday without including that special set of plastic cock and balls?  Perhaps the owner of this suitcase was emigrating, and we should give them the benefit of the doubt.  But then the suitcase does look rather sparse apart from the cock and balls.  A small make-up bag?  A nail file?  A hairbrush?  Hardly the stuff with which to launch a new life on the other side of the world.  Unless you are going to find work as a very specialised beauty therapist.

There is also the possibility that it was put there deliberately by the security services as a coded warning to Al Qaeda.

“Yes, we are English, but should we suspect you of being a terrorist, we will not let our crippling embarrassment or our innate wish to avoid a scene stop us from opening up your suitcase case and waving around prosthetic genitalia.  That is how much we want to beat you!”

So if you are sat reading this in a cave in Afghanistan, whilst taking a break from cramming semtex into vibrators, think again, because we are on to you…

*** STOP PRESS ***

Tideliar has informed us below that the offending Phallus has been photoshopped out of the brochure!  I was wrong, we HAVE let our crippling embarrassment give the advantage to kinky terrorists.  We are doomed!

8 comments

  1. Keef · December 2, 2008

    A semtex filled vibrator eh? That could make our love life go with a bang. She’s always said she wants the earth to move during sex

  2. Equine Pimp · December 2, 2008

    Did he bring this to your attention so you could ask them for royalties for using a picture of your luggage in their annual report?

  3. Equine Pimp · December 2, 2008

    I am upset by the comment at the base of the page. It takes me ages to think of something funny to say (see above for proof). What if I think of something really hilarious on the 23rd?

  4. Brennig Jones · December 2, 2008

    cramming semtex into vibrators

    That made me feel very unwell Angry. Next time you’re going to use delicate imagery can’t you warn us so that a chap of sensitive disposition (that would be me) can avoid such things?

  5. Megan · December 2, 2008

    And there was me trying very hard to relate the entire image logically. Is the “hand baggage” linked to the vibrator as it seems to be by the red line? Is that bottle to the top left a lubricant and are they SURE it’s hypoallergenic? Are the bored security officers exchanging tips for home remedies should over enthusiastic use of “hand baggage” linked with a rash-inducing lubricant produce unwanted side effects when one is on holiday in outer Mongolia?

  6. Lin · December 2, 2008

    I thought all battery operated things had to go in the hold although I can see a wire so maybe it plugs in the mains? Anyone know these things?

  7. Tideliar · December 2, 2008

    I’m just looking now at the BIA website (midnight UK time) and the picture there has now been photoshopped to remove the incriminating phallus!

  8. Misty · December 2, 2008

    EP – your still thinking then I take it!