Queuing

As part of the ongoing fun-less month of Sober January, a few of us, including Mr & Mrs Fat Jim went to the local Cinema on Saturday night to see the new Tom Cruise film, Valkyrie.  I had been careful not to read any reviews,…

Sober night out

We took our seats in the pub and I looked at my watch.  It was 10:13pm. This Friday night was something of an experiment.  Myself, Fat Jim, Mrs Fat Jim and Amy were having a night out as part of our Detoxification January.  This involved…

Scaryfied to death!

“Why is he still outside?” I asked. “He’s been out there ages.” “He’s scarifying the lawn.” I had never heard the term scarifying before, and it sounded absolutely terrifying.  I had images of my friend jumping out on the lawn shouting “Boo!” or running around…

And one for yourself…

I am stood at the bar in Paddington station with half an hour to kill till my next train.  I may not have mentioned it much, but I am not drinking during January, so I have the embarrassment of ordering a mineral water to look…

Pissing colours

One of the best things about being a bloke is having the ability to take a leak standing up. Yes, I know women now have the she-wee, but it is not the same, I have tried it. The ingenuity of man has taken this basic…

A strange call

My phone rings. It is a number I do not recognise, though this in itself is not that unusual as so many of my friends have recently changed jobs and mobile numbers. “Hello?” I answer, wondering which mate has made a New Year career change…

Coming out to play

“Do you want to come and play with my hot air balloon?” asked my friend Amy. I will admit, this is the most exciting start to a telephone conversation I have had in absolutely ages.  A hot air balloon?  Who wouldn’t! “Yes, yes I most…

The return of Fat Jim

“Hi.” said Fat Jim over the phone, somewhat drearily. “I need a favour.” “Nice to hear from you Fat Jim.  You need a favour eh?” “Yes.” “Does it involve effort or expense on my part?” “No, not really.” “Okay then, shoot.” “Do you have Stan’s…

Toilet Humour

Anyone who has listened to even a few minutes of one of the podcasts will know that I can not resist making a cheap knob gag.  It is the way my brain is wired.  Some people can complete Sudoku puzzles after looking at them for…

Veggie Pie

My friend TOWTAL (The One Who Talks A Lot) somehow convinced his girlfriend to marry him. This means she will endure a life of barely getting a word in, but she seems happy enough.  It was also a great excuse for a massive party with…