There are moments in a man’s journey, when he feels like he is passing from one phase of his life, to the next.
It can be triggered by something small, but the dawning realisation of what is happening can be huge. Which is what happened last Saturday when I found myself in town, shopping. For slippers.
I do not consider myself old. Thirty three is not old. It isn’t. Yet as I walked around my flat, barefoot, and upon cold wooden floors, I realised that I almost certainly needed slippers in my life. It would not be the first time that I have I owned slippers though, oh no. It is just that the last pair were children’s size seven and had Spiderman on the front. I can not even make the excuse that “My old ones are worn out and I’m just replacing them.” as they do not make Spiderman slippers in adult size eights.
Having overcome the personal demons that chastised me for even considering the purchase of slippers, I made my way into town, where I learned something interesting about the retail trade. You can often tell the target market for a particular item by how it is displayed in the store. Are they adorning a trendy looking mannequin in a strident pose? Or are they on a rack next to the cravats and walking sticks?
I am definitely not interested in cravats or walking sticks, so it was particularly bad planning on their part, a cross-selling opportunity definitely missed missed. They should obviously have stocked some CD’s or trendy jeans next to the slippers to maximise their revenue earning potential. That said, a year ago I did not think I would be looking to buy slippers, so perhaps the research has shown that by next year I will be a cravat wearing, cane brandishing lothario?
Anyway, my slippers are comfortable and that is all that matters. And on the brightside, no-one will ever know about them.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
There’s slippers and there are slippers, Please tell me they don’t have a tartan pattern on them or they’re pink and furry? Slippers can be as just as stylish or just as unstylish as any other item of clothing.
My daughter has a pair of fluffy houseboot things that look for all the world as if she has a dead persian cat stuck to each foot.
Dear god, Angry, I’m old enough to be your mother and I don’t wear slippers. Or a dressing gown. Did you stock up on fawn cardigans with leather buttons while you were about it?
And no one will ever know about them? No potential romantic encounters expected for the forseeable future then.
I think it very brave of you to admit that at 33 you owned a pair of kids slippers with spider man on them. I shall keep an eye out for adult size 8 Spiderman slippers on my travels for you.
Size 8? Really?
And there was us thinking you were a suave, sophisticated man about town.
It’ll be flanelette sheets next!
You could have opted for a somewhat more acceptable slipper in disguise type footwear such as flip flops or a lovely pair of Crocs instead. I think they may have been better placed by the Zimmer Frames, Incontinence Pants and DIY Wills.
“no-one will ever know about them”
Cough. Ahem.
You forgot the cuddly hot water bottle with an animal face on….aaarrhhhhh bless!
Just you wait till you turn 50. You ~have~ been warned…
Oh, you’ll need a cane too.
If you are anything like Jesus, you will die this year.
Alexander the Great was dead by 33.
Oh Mr. Angry… it’s cold. It’s okay.
Padding about in socks can be a pain, so you had to make a decision.
Are you adding a smoking jacket, a bottle of Glenmorangie and a hot babe to your new look?
I think it’s more realistic to expect a tweed coat and chronic piles.
The other day I found myself looking longingly at a pair of green fluffy frog slippers… in my local garden centre.
It’s difficult to pick out just one cause for concern in that sentence I just wrote there, isn’t it?
Size 8? 8?!
Are they the tartan zip-up bootee style ones?
Look, they are manly men’s slippers, as worn by masculine manly men. OK?
I am off to Budapest for a stag do so I’ll see you all next week. In the meantime, don’t forget to download the podcast, and let us know if you’d like to contribute, as we’re hoping to record the next one next week.
Be good.
Another bloody holiday – what about the recession?
I can’t judge – like to, but can’t. This morning I drove my scooter in to work and since it’s suddenly rather cold in the mornings I wore… nope, can’t confess to it, but I changed immediately into something that involved high heels and a pencil skirt. And I still feel rather ashamed.
Not sure if you have the legs for the pencil skirt, but the high heels work wonders to restore the self esteem. Red preferably.
two words– underfloor heating.
That is all.
Two different words: ugg boots.
Size 8? Ooo… err… Mr. Livid!
Will there be photos?
This is just a big Slipper-Fetishists Circle jerk isn’t it? You dirty little buggers, I know what you get up to.
one word: carpeting
one question: size eight? i hope the gloves are bigger!