The internet is massive. Absolutely massive.
I do not think there has ever been an accurate headcount, but I will bet that there are literally thousands of people on it. And of those tens of hundreds, I have just one request.
Please, please, please write to Ringo Starr asking for a signed photograph. We only have a week in which to make this request, as after the 20th October he will be ignoring all requests.
This means we only have six days for everyone on the Internet to get their Ringo Starr autograph.
You might think this is a petty practical joke in response to a public figure’s egotistical dismissal of his fan base, but it is not. It is a serious request, and I will now explain why.
Ringo is now 68 years of age, and though Sod’s Law dictates he will inevitably be the last Beatle to die, he can not go on forever. When he finally relinquishes his grasp on this mortal coil, there will be a stampede for items bearing his name. This booming trade will lead to profiteering by ruthless criminal elements, and much like the moody DVDs at your local market, it could end up ‘supporting terrorism’. Which is a bad thing, mostly.
The only way to ensure that this black market does not thrive upon Ringo’s demise, is to ensure that every man woman and child on the planet already owns a Ringo Starr autograph.
Of course, in order to write to Ringo Starr we need an address for him, which is not on his website, for obvious reasons. So, if anyone knows how to get hold of the correct address to use in the next six days, please leave it in the comment box below or email it to me, as you could be helping us BEAT THE TERRORISTS!
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Tesco, Neasden.
I don’t know why he’s “too busy” to sign autographs, how long can it take to stack a few shelves?
I don’t want to give the impression that I’m unpatriotic or don’t support the fight against terrorism but I don’t actually want a Ringo Starr autograph either now or after this egotistical scouser croaks. This is a tad ironic since John Lennon was shot after giving Mark Chapman his autograph though.
Incidentally let me say at this point that Imagine is THE WORST F*CKING song of all time even worse than Itsy Bitsy Yellow Bikini
Mr Farty – I thought Tesco has a strict no over-60′s rule? It is a amazing the strings you can pull as an ex-Beatle.
Keef – Do not worry about supporting terrorists, I have a post especially to help them tomorrow. Be aware, the only reason you don’t want one now, is because you can get one. You don’t know what you’ve (not yet) got till it’s gone.
I too have a bit of a problem with the idea of Ringo Starr thinking I’d want his autograph. But I suppose I could set fire to it, film it and send the film to him.
Bete de Jour posted the address on his blog:
Ringo Starr
1541 Ocean Avenue
Suite 200
Santa Monica, CA
90401
USA
Wait – Ringo lives in Santa Monica? Or is that where his staff of autographing monkeys reside in a happy little pen-clutching commune? Is this news about the End to All Autographs possibly related to California’s efforts to stamp out the evils of long term relationships and serious emotional commitment (provided, natch, that they are two slots, no tabs or vice versa)? All this time Ringo has been quietly supporting hot, hot monkey love and now thanks to the idiot legislators the whole thing is well and truly jiggered. Six days from now Santa Monicans will see a small column of hand holding simians trailing forlornly down the road while Ringo waves from the front door, choking back tears.
Go on. As for one last autograph. Do it for the monkeys.
Katy – I know. Who knew there were so many Thomas The Tank Engine fans out there?
Doug – Thanks. I was hoping for a UK one though, as despite it being a great plan, I am a bit of a tight arse.
Megan – Thank you for pointing the ‘Hot Monkey Love’ seeking Googlers my way.
Well there’s the US address and then there’s obviously this one:
Ringo Starr
“Rocca Bella”
24 Ave. Princess Grace,
Monte Carlo
Monaco
But really, what a complete arse.
OK – does no-one have a FREEPOST address?
I think Ringo’s ego is getting a bit out of hand, I did a quick straw poll last night of a representative sample (my daughter and two of her mates) of the 15-24 age group the most important music buying demographic.
None of them had heard of Ringo Starr, John Lennon or George Harrison, they had heard of Paul McCartney but only because he had been married to Heather ‘Monopod’ Mills
I think I may just write before the deadline and tell him I’m looking for one on the offchance I may become a fan in the next few years.
I think we should all get one. Just because when Ringo dies, the fact that everyone already has an autograph and will instantly put it up for sale on Ebay, it will make every real fans autographs totally worthless and will make them realise what a totally pointless, arselicking, buttmunching and worthless piece of shit it really is.