I have often considered it strange that discussing someone’s potentially violent death is often seen as a form encouragement.
“Oh go on, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow!”
This phrase has always struck me as slightly threatening, especially from my mate Dave, what with him being a bus driver.
But why does the phrase have to focus on such a painful demise anyway? Perhaps we should all try and soften it a bit, “Oh go on, you could die peacefully in your sleep tomorrow!”
See? That’s a bit more pleasant, isn’t it?
It’s not as if alluding to being hit by a bus is particularly accurate either, statistically speaking. You are much more likely to die of some sort of hereditary condition, heart disease or cancer than being hit by a bus.
If someone wanted to encourage me to do something I wasn’t planning on doing, then they would be much better off referring to one of the more believable terminal illnesses, as then I might at least consider the merits of what they are proposing. If they were to start off with the bus thing I could not help but point out the slim possibility of such an outcome (unless it is Dave in which case I just look to clarify his shift times).
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Are you going to provide dates for golf or what?
Go on, you could get stabbed by a hoodie tomorrow.
If you are going on the golf course, you are more likely to be killed by a flying ball or maybe smothered in a bunker than stabbed by a hoodie.
Well go on then – you know you want to do it – you could stumble over a piece of wood with a rusty nail, improperly care for the wound, develop gangrene, have your leg chopped off, heal poorly, become infected, develop septicitis, go blind and have your man parts shrivvel up and turn black, lose the hearing in your right ear and then die.
That’s a bit long, though. I think the bus thing is just a shorter version.
Hi
I have been lurking while I read through your entire archives and I have really enjoyed them – you are a fabulous writer and Fat Jim should be on the stage!
As for the bus thing, I like it, its the excuse I use every time I go to see a medical professional and they tell me how unhealthy my lifestyle is….
Doing DR planning back in the 90′s we always use to use the example of a plane hitting the building as an example of what could go wrong and why people should plan for disasters.
Working for an American company this gotta kinda embarassing after 2001
If you get hit by a bus you’ve been waiting ages for,
do the 2 behind it run you over as well?
in my experience of public transport, the busses in London move so bloody slowely that even if you did get hit by one it wouldn’t cause much more than a light bruising anyway. I would much rather take my chances getting hit by a bus than contracting a terminal illness.
Buses only speed up if they see you running for them especially if it is wet and there are large puddles to splash through.
Perhaps it should be adjusted by culture?
American: You could die from obesity related disorders tomorrow
Russian: You could get a bad batch of vodka tomorrow
Brazilian: Your hot wax could go tragically wrong…
and so forth
It could happen, you know. My mother in law got hit by a bus. And now she’s sorry she didn’t have that slice of cheesecake the day before.
The problem with terminal illnesses is you cant really say to people they could die of it tomorrow (yes heart attack – but I wouldnt think its likely you would be diagnosed and sucumb to cancer in 24 hours.
Here in Canadialand the following expresions are probably more suitable:
1.You could be sideswiped by a Moron in a truck at a crossroads, looking directly at his passenger whilst having a conversation instead of at the F**king road in front of him (sounds a bit specific but on the road I commute daily I saw it happen pretty much every week last summer – and its one of the most common workplace(!?!) injuries.
2.You could be mauled by a (insert one of the following)Grizzly/Black/Polar Bear, Moose, Cougar(happened to my doctor about a month after I got here,Wolf, Coyote, Raccoon, Skunk, Chipmunk, Groundhog Tommorow.
3.You could be tazered to death by a Mountie Tomorrow – this is usually reserved for confused immigrants (or New Canadians as they like to be called) in the airport half an hour after arrival, or people allready in custody.
4.You could drown in a vat of maple syrup.
5.You could die of hypothermia – pretty much any day of year as it can go from 40C to snowing stupidly fast.
6.You could catch a nasty disease off America.
Chalky – Hello. You must be very bored indeed to have worked your way through the archives.
I have a sore neck (long story) which makes it uncomfortable to type so I might be back tomorrow. Maybe.
Isn’t that whole bus thing just a way to get you to wear clean underwear?
This would be a fantastic time for me to talk to you about the ‘get hit by a bus’ investment fund. Simply give 10% of your earnings to me and I will invest them wisely in top companies, say in the pub sector, should you infact get hit by a bus yoou will die safe in the knowledge that your donations have given you first class access to heaven and you shalll be given a decent funeral.
Should you fail to get hit by a bus in your lifetime then all money will be refunded.
(All claims for money willl be accepted upon personal application)
I’m so so bored.
I’m not so much bored, more too efficient for my bosses….. Its my story and I’m sticking to it!
Hope the neck gets better soon. It’s not a bus related injury is it? Oh the irony!
Did Angry fall under a bus? He could at least post from the hospital.
I read about a house blowing up in London, all I can assume is that GOd has a sense of humor
As an ex bus driver I can confirm your statistically unlikely scenario didn’t apply around here. One driver hit three people in a week. The bus company insisted it was the pedestrians fault for not getting out of the way quickly enough. Sounds fair enough to me..
At least they don’t say,’oh go on, you could get murdered!’
Hilarious post , as usual.
“The bus company insisted it was the pedestrians fault”
It was just one pedestrian??