February 2008

You're not the only one

February 16, 2008

Peach of the nice arse is leading a community project to write a book on behalf of War Child.  Now, I do not read as many newspapers as perhaps I should, but I was under the impression that there were more than enough children involved in warfare around the world. Clearly I was wrong. You should [...]

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The audience

February 15, 2008

I went for dinner with a friend recently. The meal was pleasant enough, we were chatting away and I was being my normal hugely entertaining self. The evening was much like any other, but then, only was as we began our main course, I first noticed her. There was lady at the next table dining [...]

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Alarm clock

February 14, 2008

“So it wakes you, just like that, with no noise at all?” I ask, incredulously. “Exactly, no noise at all, just daylight.” My mate Stan is trying to convince me that his alarm clock, which is basically just a big light on a timer, wakes him up better than his old traditional alarm clock. This [...]

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Our Tune

February 13, 2008

I am just about old enough to remember Simon Bates’ Our Tune on Radio 1. For the children reading this, Our Tune was a segment of his radio show where he would read a letter from a listener detailing some sort of emotional turmoil they had undergone, and how one song in particular had helped [...]

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Picking your point of dispute

February 12, 2008

I heard on the radio yesterday that the BBC has been inundated with complaints about its new drama series, Ashes to Ashes. The show, for the uninitiated, is a follow up to the hugely successful series Life on Mars, about a policeman hit by a car an who then appears to have traveled back in [...]

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The Lottery

February 11, 2008

I do not play the Lottery, and have not done so for probably five or six years. I also rarely watch television on a Saturday night as I am normally out and about being suave, sophisticated and charming. In pubs. I did however catch the National Lottery television extravaganza briefly the other night, after having [...]

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Twins

February 8, 2008

At my local gym the new year resolutionists are now slowly drifting away, thankfully. But two guys in particular, who almost seem joined at the hip, have stayed. They are unusual amongst the resolutionists in that they were not carrying a few extra stones worth of various turkey-based delicacies when they joined. In fact, they [...]

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Lookey-likey

February 7, 2008

I stopped in my tracks. Which is something I rarely do in Tesco’s car park, as I tend to try and escape that particular pit of despair as quickly as humanly possible. I did a double take, followed by a treble, then quadruple take. It could not be, surely? Yet there before me, loading his [...]

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Deep

February 6, 2008

“I’m going to go really deep this time, so this will probably hurt quite a bit…” I had been looking forward to this experience, but this was not good. I pressed my face into the pillow and bit down even harder. At least my dentist had the good grace to try and gloss over the [...]

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Phoning Home

February 5, 2008

“Hello?” “Hello Mother dear, it is your eldest child.” “Oh.” “Oh?” “It’s just, err, it’s, you know…” “No, what’s wrong?” “Well. It’s just that Coronation Street is on.” “So?” “Well Jack is bringing back Vera’s ashes.” “You do realise it’s not real, right?” “Oh don’t be like that, you know I like my programmes.” “But [...]

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