The weekend proved to be as alcohol fueled as expected. An extra late night due to the Ricky Hatton fight meant that we did not leave Butlins until midday. The friend giving us a lift said he had to pop in to see his Dad in Chichester, and so, shortly after one o’clock, Fat Jim and I found ourselves enjoying a burger in a bar across from the Cathedral.
“I don’t feel well.” whinged Fat Jim.
“No, I don’t suppose you do. Eighteen hour drinking marathons will do that to you.”
“No. I mean I really don’t feel well.”
“Oh, you REALLY don’t feel well eh? Well I still REALLY don’t care. Eat your burger.”
About an hour later we were en route home in a friends car when Fat Jim piped up again.
“You need to stop the car, I think I’m going to be sick.”
The driver duly obliged and Fat Jim paced the verge looking for a suitable place to vomit.
“Don’t look at me! I can’t do it if you’re looking at me!”
I had never heard of this phenomenon before. It was always my belief that vomiting was the body’s response to being poisoned. I did not realise it would hold the vomit in if someone was looking at you.
We drove forward 50 yards to leave him to it, like the good friends we are. As soon as he bent over to begin the vomiting we reversed 50 yards to arrive back where we started. Right next to him.
“Look, I can’t do it if you’re there. Seriously.”
“OK, if you can’t vomit when people are watching you, then surely it’s safe to get back in the car? I promise not to take my eyes of you for the next hour and a half, no matter how unpleasant that is for me.”
He got back in the car and off we went. We stopped a further three times, and only when we were within five miles of home did he finally chuck his guts. We did not watch, but we definitely heard. And smelt.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Really, you need an editor. Phenomenon is singular and phenomena plural.
It’s body’s, not bodies in the contect of “the body’s response…”
It’s always sad when the gifted fail to reach their potential.
I feel like vomiting.
Glammer says: “I feel like vomiting.”
Can you do it while we watch?
Or rather
Can ya doo it wile wee wotch?
mmm Christmas Badges.
Glammer,
Is it not a cardinal sin to pull up others on their grammar spelling, only to go and make an error yourself…. “contect”.
Oh Dear!
Glammer – Hello again! I am sure there is a compliment in there somewhere. I am afraid I don’t ‘do’ editing. I write it, stream-of-conscience style, and it gets posted. I get bored reading anything more than once. It would be much easier all round if you could leave a comment every day telling me what mistakes I have made. I can then make those changes and keep everybody happy.
Yum – Hello. I feel I must make it clear, I am not into watching people vomit. I am into making Fat Jim feel as uncomfortable as possible.
GeorgeC – Hello, and thank you. I had not spotted that!
Angry,
been a follower of this blog for a long long time… I only wish we had more chances to laugh at Fat Jim.
Did his vomit smell as the smelly people at that gig you went to recently? 
FJ was just playing for sympathy. I bet he ate his burger even though he felt sick. You should have just strapped him to the roof of the car for the rest of the journey home.
GH
Poor FJ and your vomit voyeurism.
Friendships have been broken for less.
18 hours. Wow – that was a long boxing bout.
Vomit voyeurism. Now that’s some’at I haven’t found on a porn site yet….
First time I’ve heard of vomit performance anxiety. Perhaps an indication that other activities are also always done solo?
A weekend at Butlin’s, 18hrs of drinking and a burger Fat Jim should count himself look to be alive never mind a session of looking for Huey, Burt and Ralph by the roadside.
One question though why did you go to Butlitz just to watch a boxing match on telly??
Don’t they have telly’s in Windsor then?
Didnt you find a two vaginas site FD?
Boxing, burgers, fat jim abd vomit, bet Butlins was just the icing on the cake. You’re a classy date then.
I had a girl friend once like that, refused to do anything, even sex, if you where looking at her. As she was rather lookable at, it made for a very difficult relationship.
I know some chaps freeze up when taking a leak, but vomiting? Fat Jim, clearly, has Issues.
i hope you rubbed his back and stroked his hair while he vom-d …
it is very comforting, you should know.
now that action is going to bring you some bad carma.
wonder if you had a video cam, what would have happened? *scratches head and contemplates*