“I think I have a phobia, but I don’t know what it’s called.” said Fat Jim as we sat in the pub awaiting the arrival of some other people.
“What of?” I asked, glancing longingly at the front door of the pub.
“Being stabbed.”
“That’s not a phobia you fuckwit. Phobias are irrational fears, you only have a phobia if you are scared of something for which there is no reasonable reason to be fearful. It’s perfectly normal to be scared of being stabbed to death, millions of years of evolution have made you that way. I’m scared of being stabbed to death.”
“So there’s no such thing as stabophobia?”
“No.”
“What if I was scared of being stabbed…by a spider. At the top of a tall building. Whilst surrounded by snakes.”
“Then that’s a perfectly normal phobia.”
“Thank God. I thought I was going mad for a minute.”
“Shut up and get the beers in.”
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
First!
*stab*
for a straight week you should watch Alfred Hitchcock movies with Fat Jim, shop for new steak knife sets, and pass on articles from the paper about victims of recent stabbings to see what happens to Jimmy’s non-phobia.
Get an old punchbag and start stabbing it just as Fat Jim enters the room, better yet start making some Hannibal Lecter like comments
I know a weirdo who’s got a phobia of moths, yep, those little grey butterflies. It’s fun to open the windows on a dark summers evening and watch them flood in. He runs like a big girl. Funny, for us.
Did you have to threaten him a knife point to get the beers in?
Poor Fat Jim.
He gets far too much abuse.
Perfect prezzie for Fat Jim from Santa – stab vest.
I thought the only thing fat people were scared of was exercise
I feel a trip to the joke shop coming on… one rubber snake and a spider, please… muahahhaa.
Agree with Inky. Poor fat Jim.
And Peach made me laugh.
Roughagophobia – fear of salad.
As long as he doesn’t get a ‘get the beers in’ phobia you can keep him in tow
does fat jim have his own blog?
stabbed by spiders is good. snakes? I don’t see the connection.