I was round at a couple of friends of mine for Sunday dinner. The food was very good and we were sitting in the lounge discussing things like politics, the environment and religion. Unfortunately, like all conversations that include at least one woman, the talk eventually turned to shopping.
“I have just bought these new shoes!” said my friend holding out a shoe for me to look at.
“It is a nice shoe, I guess.” I replied, whilst turning the shoe over in my hand to look at the other side of it.
It is difficult to know the correct way to admire a shoe, as there is a very fine line between feigned interest and accusations of fetishism. I have not licked a woman’s shoe for absolutely ages now, so I think I did a good job. At least I think I did, as she continued to smile and was not demanding I hand it back instantly. I looked at the label inside the shoe, and it read, “Jimmy Choo”.
“They are Jimmy Choo’s as well.” she helpfully pointed out, momentarily forgetting that I have been literate for some twenty seven years.
“Yes, I am a big fan of his films.”
“No, idiot, he’s a shoe designer, a very good one, but it’s OK as I got these in the sale.”
This is a good thing. She is proving herself to be an excellent girlfriend by not only buying black high heels so she can whore-it-up a bit at home, but she was also looking to secure a bargain in the process. In this day and age, and with the ever-worsening American mortgage crisis, we should all take her lead by trying to be more frugally aware when spicing things up a bit at home.
“Yes, in fact these only cost me £250.”
I am aghast.
The words do not come.
“£250? On shoes? And that’s…that’s…good?!”
“Yes, of course it is.”
I simply can not conceive of a situation whereby I would be relieved to have spent just £250 on shoes. I try to explain that amounts like this should only ever be spent on essentials like housing, food or a new Titleist Driver. This is why I will never understand women, and why I will defend my wallet from them until I draw my last breath.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I thought Jimmy Choo was a character in a childrens book about trains.
And what’s a titleist driver? He could be in the book too, I can see it now – “Lord Ted stokes Jimmy’s engine”.
See I always liked the line while looking at their shoes
“See, they’re Jimmy Choo’s!”
“Really? I didn’t realise that you feet were so big that you had to borrow a tranny’s shoes?”
Then run, which’ll be easy cause they’ve only got one shoe on and its got a heel.
GH.
Wifey manages to spend £150 on just one set of underwear when ever she shops….
… and why you will never have a happy girlfriend! Content, yes. Girlfriend, yes.
But happiness is a girl, a boy and a pair of finely cut heels, amen.
You’d spend £250 on just one golf club? Blimey. Mind you, more use than overpriced shoes, I suppose.
If I were the age of you young and beautiful people, I’d bung the money in the bank so that later I didn’t have to work for a living.
At risk of sounding like an M&S advert: these are not just shoes. These are Jimmy Choo Shoes, thus in a league of their own and a perfectly excusable retail indulgence.
Much the same as Dior handbags, Seven for all Mankind jeans and other pricey wardrobe essentials.
Consider it a lesson learnt.
To be fair, if it’s her money who gives a shit?
You could argue the same for practically anything. e.g. I don’t play hockey so if someone told me they spent £100 on a new stick I would think they were stupid.
However, if she is a kept woman or is expecting you to pay then I am right behind you on the “how f***ing much???” element.
So, the real question needs to be – did you consider her as a possible Mrs Angry before this conversation?
Oh purrr-lease, I’m sure you’d prefer those Jimmy Choos around your neck than a golf stick any day.
Oh and can you ask her where she got them from at that fine price please. Thank you.
A fool and her money ar soon parted. But if she is daft enough to pay £250 for a pair of shoes, she might just fork out for a new driver – prefer Taylor Made myself but you get the drift. The only snag with this plan is that invariably if a woman buys you a golf club they think its like an engagement ring.
pesk – You mean it is his real name?
GH – You are single, right?
AFC – A lot of material involved is there?
peach – you can buy a perfectly acceptable (to me) pair for £50.
z – It is not ‘buying a golf club’, it is an investment in my future happiness.
Jo – They were well made and that, but I do not get why they are SO good?
EP – No, no, no. She is a mates girlfriend. I was merely commenting on her shopping. Like you do.
Anna – I have no idea, ‘a sale’ I think.
Norman – Which is probably why I have never heard of a woman buying a man a golf club, ever?
Does she not know Johnny Primark?
I feel I’m letting the female contingent down here but who the hell would spend £250 on a pair of shoes?!?!? I’m more impressed with my mate who bought a cool pair of boots from Primark for £12.
Bah. I hate shopping anyway.
I could care less about owning a pair of shoes that cost 250 pounds which would be almost double in US dollars.
thats daft! first time i wore them I would probably step in something and ruin them. you can buy black whorish pumps much cheaper anywhere!