Kanye West is currently at the top of the Hit Parade singing about the fact that “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”.
These are clearly the words of a man who has never spent any time with recovering stroke victims. Well Kanye, I have, and I can tell you now, I have never won so many arm wrestles in my life. Even with my bad arm. Stronger my arse. I almost felt guilty taking the money off them, but a bet is a bet. I would have paid them if they had won.
After listening to this song, the following track was by Gym Class Heroes and has taken the Jermaine Stewart song that goes, “We don’t have to take our clothes off, to have a good time.” and changed the lyrics to, “We have to take our clothes of to have a good time.”
Do you see what they did there?
Perhaps it is a sign of the times we live in, and final confirmation that fully-clothed fun is a thing of the past. Or maybe they are just utterly desperate for a shag and think that singing about going nude will offer them a better chance of getting off with a woman. They are probably right thinking about. Honesty is the best policy after all (unless you have done something really really bad, in which case, get an alibi, quick), so asking for, and subsequently getting, a woman naked is normally a pretty good sign that you are going to have the sex.
Anyway, this song has got me thinking. Which classic songs should we change the lyrics to, given the chance, so that they better reflect the society we live in today?
Marvin Gaye’s – I heard it on Facebook?
Hot Chocolate’s – It started with a Poke?
Culture Club’s – Do you really wanna (MSN) block me?
Duran Duran’s – Girls on memory-card?
{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
“Message in a (space) shuttle”…
“Sympathy for George Bush”
“I do like every single day of the week as it is probably not politically correct to pick on one in particular as it could be perceived as bullying”
Okay, heres my best efforts,
Guns n Roses – June/July/August Rain
Cat Stevens – Father, CSA and Son
and finally, Micheal Jacksons,
everyone knows I’m a paedo cos of
”the man from the mirror”
Pretty lame I know but it is early . . . . . .
“Going Underground, going underground,
with a bomb strapped on me my heart starts to pound”
Sorry
“Wake me up before the lights change”
War – huh! – what is it good for? The munitions industry.
I have a shit memeory and can’t remember any song titles at the moment.
And I missed the sandwich lady today. Humph.
I’m gonna delete that man right outta my phone
Text three times (through the ceiling if you want me)
Gimme all your lovin’ (now that all your tests are clear)
Walking on sunblock
‘Tramp to the left of me his [stolen plastic bag] to the right, hear I am stuck in the middle….’
Emailed, blogged, texted, I’m yours
Property prices will keep us together
Escalator to heaven
Identity thieves of the world unite
When will I, will I be ‘on a reality show’ (Bros)
You’re more than a number in my little blackberry (Drifters)
Getting stabbed in the street (Martha and the vandellas)
(All I need is the) carbon emissions that I breathe
D’ya wanna be in myspace, myspace, myspace?
Let’s all meet up in 2012
A #FFFFFFer shade of #F5F5F5
(Someone please stop me!)
Everybody’s (cyber) stalking at me.
Bank foreclosed on me, love don’t live here anymore
I’ve got a brand new i-phone, you’ve got a brand new trojan virus.
Blue Suede Crocs
Stand by your man/woman/transgender partner
Strawberry fields until they’re developed for housing
Angelalala – and I thought I was bored. Top work, loving this game
The Stranglers -
Gordon brown taxes for fun,
brings me down, with my pay he runs,
cant sleep at night,
my paycheques a fright,
Always a frown with gordon brown
A little r’spec
Goodbye M25
I don’t wanna e-mail/text about it
I wish it could be a celebration in December with no religious connotations in case people get offended everyday
River Deep, Global Warming
When the going gets tough, the British Army ensure that Harry is in no way put in danger
Nuclear Submarine
Not leaving on a jet plane till these protesters get off the runway.
I want your sex (and I’ll have it as soon as I’ve saved for the op)
It’s alright (broadband’s coming back)
Son of a muslim fundamentalist
Blook writer
She wrote upon it – Auotreply: Out of Office.
E-mails not being read. If your enquiry is urgent please call my mobile
This could roll over to another day the way Angelalala is going.
I’d love to stop you, but I doubt you would anyway, and also they are so damn funny.
I think Dev’s take on Golden brown is fantastic, I’m now humming it at my desk…..
C’mon feel the noise abatement order
It’s raining new men
Our friends eco-fiendly
GCSE’s what are the good for, absolutely nothing
E-mail from America
500 miles (I would powerwalk)
My digital camera never lies
You Spin me right round (like an MP3)
I sympathise with Angelalala – once you’ve started this it’s difficult to stop!
I just called to say I’m stalking you.
Who wants to be a millionaire? I don’t, God everyone knows you have to be a billionaire these days dahhling
Candle in the wind is a fire hazard (health and safety warning)
Feels like I’m walking on broken glass
*calls Injury Lawyers 4 U*
Angelalala, you have way too much free time – keep it up
GH
Beatles – Lucy in the Sky with High Altitude Pollution
G’n'R- Mr Brownfield Re-development Site
AC/DC – Dirty Deeds Undercut by Ryanair
Beatles – Ticket to fly but the luggage will cost extra
Limp Bizkit – Not Rollin’ cos I’m on the M25
Aaarggh! These things keep floating into my head now – what have you done Angry?!?!
Sorry is the most legally binding word
My heart will go on (I’m a registered organ donor)
Love and Civil Partnership
You don’t bring me flowers (which is good coz I’m allergic)
“Tin soldiers and Bush II coming
Get to Canada while you can
This summer I hear the drumming
Cheney wants to invade Iran.”
“Chinese Carryout in Paradise”
“Somewhere over the hole in the ozone”
London Emailing
Here Comes The Acid Rain Again
Text from America
How Deep is Your Love (in mm and cm please, none of them there inches)
Blogging ’bout my generation
New ‘Pistols’album; Never mind the Bloggers!
Penny Lane (is the congestion charge zone)
iPod killed the radio star
I can’t get no… I’m responsible for my own orgasm thank you very much
better !shout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus town
We don’t need no national curriculum
Tubular ring tones
Damn! The “greater than” an “less than” signs have been goobered by html…
How about “Tony Erne” by Bonnie Tyler?
Block the casbah
Islam flies down on Broadway
Shi’ite here, Shi’ite now
You’re 16, you’re beautiful and you’re mined
Big yellow hybrid people carrier
I read Hello today, oh boy
2-4-6-8, toll road
Get your motor running, head out on…hey, some bastard just shot me!
Really really really wanna reform and be worshipped by pre-teens again
Our d.i.v.o.r.c.e. became lead story on News at Ten today
Take it to the limit one more time, until you get bank junk mail offering you even more borrowing
“Back to the DSS arms”
“You’re just another click on the scroll(bar)”
@ Ken
Another one bites the radiation dust