“So, how long are you going to be with us?” I said to the rather attractive temp we had on Reception.
As a company going through a number of changes, there have been a few temps through the doors in the last few weeks, but she was by far the best looking. I think she was also competent at her job too, I think.
“A couple of weeks I think”
“Oh that’s great news. I mean, we can always use good people here, and you look good, I mean, you know, at your job and that.”
I will admit, this was not one of my better opening lines. I pressed on regardless.
“So, are you a local?”
“Yes, I live round the corner. Near my boyfriend.”
Hard to get. I like it. She thinks throwing in this little factoid will deter me. She knows nothing.
“Oh that’s nice. How long have you been together?”
“A few months now.” she replied, whilst shuffling papers on the desk avoiding eye contact with me. She clearly knew I would peer into her very soul and would see that her relationship was a sham. Which would be a bit much, what with it being her first day and all.
“Well, I’ll see you later then.” I concluded, wandering off, knowing full well that she would be counting down the minutes till we spoke again.
It truly is a burden having this affect on women, but it is one I bare with little complaint. For once.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
You’ve scored, Angry. No doubt about it.
Go for it Angry, We want full reports here
Sounds to me like she’s implying that she expects you to be interested in where her boyfriend lives. Are you sure you’re projecting the right image?
It’s obvious – she’s telling you that you should follow her back to her boyfriends where one of two things will happen;
A) she wants you to take care of business, and impress upon boyfriend that there’s a new man in town to take care of her business, or
2) she wants you take part in borderline illegal three way rumpy pumpy.
Either way, you’re in.
Why don’t you impress her further by saying that you think her boyfriend sounds really great and maybe you could meet him.
Then you could ask to have your picture taken with her saying it’s what you do with all new employees, making sure you get really close and give her a friendly squeeze then walk away muttering, ‘there’s another one for the internet’.
Then you could ask her if she’s seen Silence of The Lambs and remark that the skin-dress was ‘kinda cool’.
Trust me Angry, she will only end up with a higher regard for you than I expect she already has.
sounds like you’re the tempting one
No, no, no. You’ve all got it wrong. Clearly she’s mentioned the boyfriend to Angry because she was hinting that she wanted a threesome with them both.
It’s obvious that’s what’s on the cards; honestly, how much clearer could she get?!
You spoke 3 times before she mentioned her boyfriend.
If The Girl is right be sure to keep us informed.
If you are truly a god and she wants you and you alone, top work.
If not, you have just beaten my personal best by about 3 sentences.
I feel your pain Angry, I really do.
A few weeks back I got chatting to a rather attractive member of London Underground staff who seemed to be on a fag-break. Didn’t even have the awful opener to try and recover from, because she was doing all the daring-starty-talky bit, or so I thought.
So we’re chatting away for a few minutes, and I’m athinkin ‘this is very flattering, and what a charming lady’ or something to that effect, when she casually mentions how her bloody girlfriend doesn’t live too far from where I just moved too… NOOOOO!!
I recovered quick, but not quick enough. I’m sure the split second ‘doh bugger it’ showed on my face.
Then it got worse… she called me babe. a lesbian once told me that she always finds herself calling men babe when she gets a totally harmless vibe from them. Doh bugger it!
Angry – ask her if her boyfriend wants to join you at the gym. Check out if you want to get sweaty with him – but dump’em if he calls you “bro” – that’s my advice.
Me? I’m going for a nice cup of tea and a biscuit; a threesome much more my style.
The Temp thinks…. “Oh No another fucker that don’t half fancy himself…. god why do I get these lousy temp jobs… ahh well five hours till finish… wonder whats for tea..mind you his ass is kinda cute” … PMSL
I’m starting to get a definite nudist theme running here what with the naked blogging, the shirt and trousers issues and the fact that you are now baring your effect on women without complaint. Did you check to see you had all the really important bits of clothing on before you chatted her up?
Watch it, Angry; I sense a bunny boiler in the making.
You weren’t wearing one of your ‘wank’ oufits when speaking to her were you……might have put her off slightly.
Please keep us informed if she files any legal restraining order for you to remain so many yards away from her desk.
Excellent.
Remember to not mention fellatio until day three.
I have been a temp, although not a very good one. Even worse than the crappy money was having to be nice when members of staff blatantly tried to chat me up, despite the fact they couldn’t even be arsed to remember my name.
z – Of course…
Keef – Hello. You will get full reports, unless she blows me out. Or I pull.
Dominic – yes!
S Hamilton – So I am definitely in whatever happens? I like those odds.
MsBrittle – Hello. Added to the task list…
Peach – As always. Ahem.
Girl – Of course! How could I be so blind. It is obvious really. I am not sure about the who ‘crossing swords’ thing though…
EP – It’s not far from a PB for me to be honest.
Scott – Mmmmm. Lesbians….
Thomas – Can I invite him to the gym and use it as a diversion?
Alan – I do not fancy myself. It is everybody else everywhere.
Megan – It is not that kind of office. Yet.
Angelala – You are right, she needs to tone it down a bit and not be so obvious.
Sam – No, they are at the dry cleaners.
xl – Unlikely, I haven’t had one of those for several months now.
greavsie – I am not she knows much Shakespeare anyway.
Sarah – I would never forget your name.
Sounds as if you’ve got the situation well under control, but it never harms to brush up on the essential principles of workplace sexiquette.
maybe an altoid next time. offer her one too. That should get her to thinking about you.
It’s a hard job, having that effect on women. But someone’s gotta do it.
And that someone is clearly Orlando Bloom.
It sure is a burden having this EFFECT on women but BEAR with me.