I was reading Scary Duck the other day, and he was talking about his fondness for public toilets, which reminded me of a moment from my past that, until that point, I had done my best to forget. So I thought a good way to finally forget about it would be to share it with people off of the Internet.
It was the summer 1997, I had recently graduated from University and along with my then girlfriend had decided to travel around Europe for the summer before joining the Rat Race and making my millions.
Generally speaking, it was good. I nearly got killed on a moped in Turkey, I got arrested in Rome, I couldn’t walk for two days after climbing Mount Vesuvius on foot, and I got ripped off by a slight-of-hand currency exchanger in Hungary. However, these memories pale into insignificance when I think of the horror that awaited me in Bucharest train station.
I had been ‘holding it in’ for about 200 miles, so by the time we entered the concourse, such as it was, I was ready to deposit my load there and then. The gypsy looking lady at the front of the toilet looked like she’d won the lottery when I thrust a five dollar bill in her hand and bolted for the first cubicle I could find.
I entered, closed the door, hung my backpack on the hook and hastily prepared myself above the hole in the ground that was where the toilet used to be (I assume). They had helpfully put a couple of foot plates either side to help with my aim.
Just as I was releasing hell, I heard a creak. Then another. My eyes searched for the source of the creak, and then, in one sudden jolt, the door fell from it’s hinges, and slowly, like in the opening credits of Wurzel Gummidge, the door fell backwards into the restroom.
I could do nothing.
This was not a ‘pinch it off and finish later’ situation, so there would be no stopping prematurely to correct the situation. I do not know if people walking past you and not giving you so much as a cursory glance is better or worse than being stared at, but it felt worse. They continued to walk across the door, and my rucksack, as I continued to squat whilst awaiting the end of the torrent caused by a Romanian train buffet.
Eventually it ended, I gathered my rucksack and made my way back to meet my girlfriend.
“Let us leave this place and never speak of it again”
And until today, that’s exactly what has happened.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
you broke the door with your rucksack? hehehehehehehe
I don’t know who the ancient god / patron siant of travel is, but it strikes me you must’ve really pissed him/her/it off at some point.
Interesting that France and Romania have the same communal plumbing arrangements though…
Ah, toilets and travels. The stories I could tell, but won’t. It must have been palatial if the falling door didn’t brain you as well?
Legendary.
Oh, that was you, was it?
West Lothian has award-winning public toilets. They put flowers in them. lovely.
Correction, it’s East Lothian in case you were planning a trip immediately to see the flowery bogs.
You might need to change your name.
The last two stories have been very entertaining but they don’t appear to have annoyed you at all.
More emabarrassment than anger
Sorry – just to clarify.
Was it just the bog cubicle door that fell off? Not this is a “just” particularly, but I am thinking having a few blokes wandering around hoping for a pee without standing next to another bloke would be better than a concourse full of travellers pointing and laughing. (“Mummy, that scary man’s doing a poo”, etc., etc.).
Not that I mean “better” as in “better”, just slightly less “really fucking humiliating”.
Okay, just wondering.
Thanks, bye.
It’s funny how toilets always crop up in all travel tales! They really are the bane of the travellers life. If it’s not weird german toilets (made solely for the purpose of having a good look and sift through your poo), or the pathetic greek plumbing system (anything bigger than a pebble doesn’t flush & u are not allowed to flush loo roll) then it’s the weird hole in the floor toilets.
When i lived in Paris i was severely traumatised (only being a small child) when a public loo turned out to be several holes in the ground all in a row – there weren’t any cubicles. The footplates don’t exactly put your mind at ease either. Whoever invented these toilets (if u can call them that) and subsequently convinced several local councils across the world to install them should be put down.
Sounds really shitty.
(Well someone had to!)
Could have been worse…the door could have fallen the opposite direction, ONTO you, and pushed your overly enthusiastic backside INTO the hole.
No amount of bathing would have been able to wash that experience, or those germs, away.
phooey
That is truly one of the funniest posts I have read in ages. Thank you very much. Superb.
and he was talking about his fondness for public toilets….. WTF?
Can’t have been in one around here, made me laugh though!!
Confused here – are we talking number one’s or number two’s. I mean, I can imagine if you are a bloke, that number one’s, with your back to the door and your todger out, would not be too bad – but number two’s, facing the door, trousers around ones ankles, and no door, that’s just wrong, so wrong on so many levels. And now you have unleashed this horror on your adoring (steady) masses, what have you done – for shame!
The hole and two plates toilet is much more hygienic,and great for thigh definition,but the main purpose is Darwin selection,letting the weak and unbalanced fall down the hole.
btw in France they call it the Turkish loo…
The door burst open because of the sudden gas release…
Thank you for breaking your silence, so to speak. Who doesn’t love a great International Shit Story?