April 2007

Life is like a…

April 16, 2007

…box of chocolates. I have believed for many years that this is worst analogy ever uttered by man. A retarded man, admittedly, but a man nonetheless. “You never know what you’re gonna get”? Actually no, that is utter bollocks. I know exactly what I am going to get. There is a clear label with helpful [...]

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Banned

April 13, 2007

A bottled beer known as “Rubbel Sexy Lager” (I am not making that up) has been banned from sale in the UK. This is because the lager comes in bottles which have a label with a naked lady under a ‘scratch-off-able’ bikini. Apparently, this banning of the most brilliantly named beer ever to grace these [...]

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Wrestling

April 12, 2007

I like playing sports. I like watching sports. There is something about the physical endeavor it requires, the element of competition, the stretching of yourself and the monumental efforts of the team you play in or support, that draw me in. I would have loved to have been a professional sportsman. Or an Astronaut. I [...]

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Neighbours

April 11, 2007

I like to know what my neighbours are up to, and I am sure that you do to. There is nothing worse that realising one of your neighbours has a better television than you, or has somehow managed to gain an extra couple of inches to their garden by encroaching on the path at the [...]

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Council

April 10, 2007

Local Councils are tasked with many activities to improve the lives of local residents. However, my experience of my local council is not very positive. Firstly, they threatened to take me to court when they lost, not one, but two direct debits for my council tax payments. And secondly when I complained to them that [...]

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Sitemeter saga: Part Deux

April 5, 2007

I receive a reply from Sitemeter! Further to my email of two days ago, I was delighted to note a response in my email inbox. Mainly as I was hoping this would be the first step in making cold hard cash out of you lot. Alas, the response read thusly… From: “webmaster” Sent: 03 April [...]

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Cash point

April 4, 2007

Making eye contact with someone as you approach a cash point is potentially catastrophic move to make. Particularly if that person is a woman, and you are man (like what I am). It is a bad move because a) You then feel obliged by the crappy laws of chivalry to let her go first at [...]

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We are watching you

April 3, 2007

The Internet has always been a place for anonymity. A place where no-one knew who you were, where you came from, or where you were going. Those of you who choose to read this in the nude after Googling “How can I make my vacuum cleaner ‘love’ me?” would prefer that people did not know [...]

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Car Wash

April 2, 2007

Everyone likes to have a clean car. It is like walking round in a new suit. You feel more confident, women are more likely to have sex with you, and the world is a happier place. Which is why I took my car to the local car wash, because after not driving it for three [...]

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