When I was a child there was nothing more annoying than someone changing the rules of a game to suit their own agenda, especially when they were losing.
“No Angry, I said count to one hundred!” she would whine.
“Fuck off, you said fifty you lying slag!” I would articulately retort to my 6 year-old neighbour.
I was reminded of this petty rule changing the week before I went on holiday, when I was sent an email from a friend who had arranged our skiing trip.
“British Airways have reduced the baggage allowance from 32kg to 23kg!!” it leapt from my screen.
This was potentially a problem, so I decided to ring British Airways myself, for clarification. After being on hold for 15 minutes I decided to call the sales line, and after two menu choices and just three rings, I was speaking to a real live person.
“Hello, I am flying to, err, I mean I am thinking of buying a ticket to fly to France this weekend and I am looking for clarification on baggage allowances.”
“Well, it is 23kg per person.”
“But I want to take a snowboard and other sports kit, which weighs a bit more.”
“You are entitled to take another bag of sports equipment of up to 23kg.”
“But I only want to take one big bag, one that I bought specially last year, when your limit was 32kg!”
“If it weighs more than 23kg there might be a charge.”
“But why have you dropped the allowance?”
“Health & safety reasons.”
“Reasons which disappear when I pay the excess charge?”
“Err, yes.”
This led to a frantic final evening of packing whereby I tried various combinations of luggage to keep below the 23kg limit. Unfortunately, it was late, and I did not know where to lay my hands on 23 bags of sugar and giant balancing scales at short notice. So, aided merely by an Internet weight conversion tool, and a set of bathroom scales, I set about weighing the various permutations for my holiday luggage.
I learned a few things during this lengthy exercise, things like the fact that a weeks worth of pants weighs one and a half pounds. Or that you should keep some half used bottles of toiletries handy, because they weigh less than full ones. But most of all, I learned that it is fucking difficult to get all of your sporting equipment and holiday clothing under 23kg.
But finally, after two hours, and at a weight of 22.5kg, I called it a night.
At 7:30am the following morning I reached the front of the fast bag drop at Gatwick airport, and what did their scales tell me?
My bag weighed just 19kg!! After all of my efforts the night before, I was about to make three pairs of pants last seven days for no good reason whatsoever.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
What’s so special about skiing? The Claw reckons you only had 1 pair for the Golf Tour
What I want to know is, why can they allow extra weight for free when it is sports equipment, but show no mercy when it is anything else? Surely it has the same overall effect on the weight of the plane whether or not it is ski-shaped?
(Speaking as someone who has tried this, obviously. And is about to try it again soon. For reasons of moving house. Any tips for how to sweet-talk Easyjet check-in staff welcome)
Angry at least your scales were in your favour.
Last year I flew with Ryanair from Pau to Stanstead. Weight of bag in Pau 10.5kg. Same bag, same contents one pair of grundies were 13.9kg
Made no odds to me as the limit was 15kg but the thieving slags are having people over all the time.
They make me so angry.
Hello Mr. A and welcome back.
Yup, they’re bastids alright. Plus their definition of sports is limited to fecking golf and skiing.
I’ve found the best way round the airline staff, short of finding where their marketing director lives and leaving a steaming ‘present’ on the bonnet of their car. Is to get a large kit bag like those professional sportsmen all seem to have and use that to put all your extra kit in and then claim the extra allowance for some outrageous sport like indoor naked bungy jumping or extreme tiddlywinks.
Don’t forget to keep a battered boarding helmet in there, so when they ask for proof that its sports equipment, you can pull it out and brain the feckers.
GH.
Not the first time someone has complained about the size of Angry’s package.
FJ
EP – Do not tarnish me with that mans brush…
FB – Buy a ski bag and put your normal stuff in it…
Billyboy – I had a demand for recalibration ready and waiting (0.5kg is not much margin for error), but it was never needed.
GH – I have a board bag that I can now use on all sorts of trips I suppose, but I only ever want to take on bag, two is too much hassle.
Fat Jim – You’ve had your fun, now be away with you…
I just hate airports in general, never mind the baggage requirements. Everybody looks at you like your a terrorist. It’s not my fault if I’m carrying a backpack and look like the shoe bomber!
(Polish passport control were very wary of me. I was rather embarrassed to find myself being searched before I got on the plane back home…and no, it wasn’t a strip-search, although the lovely guards had both submachine guns AND rubber gloves).
B.
I once went on an internal flight in America wearing two sets of clothes so that my baggage met the limit. I’m still not sure why the plane didn’t need extra fuel.
Badger – Dress like a clown, it will help.
Greavsie – and still you looked slimmer than everyone else on the flight?
Three pairs of pants for a week? This sounds rather excessive. Yaxlich doesn’t use that many in a month.
I left Heathrow on Thursday – to ski in Whistler! You will be amused to hear that ‘fast bag drop’ has now been renamed by BA to ‘bag drop’. Probably to save themselves from a law suit by Trading Standards.
However, BAA are strictly enforcing a ‘one hand luggage bag only’ rule. Now while I agree that there should be a limit, and there is nothing more infuriating that some fuckwit trying to squash their suitcase into the overhead bin, can we have some common sense please. As long as your bag fits into the sizing bin you are ok, however if you have two bags that together take up half the space then they don’t let you through. So a haevy bag of maximum size is allowed but if you have two tiny handbags…
This did cause me much amusement watching people trying to squash one bag into another. Although once through customs they simply separated them, so back to two bags. Quite what was achieved I’m not sure. The words Jobsworth Assholes spring to mind.
Were you packing energy food in your bag so you could snack whilst ski-ing. Was it a sugar and milk based confectionary item you were squeezing into your over full luggage?
Were you Fudge Packing? WERE YOU?
Angry, I just have nothing to say about this. Please write about something I can relate to tomorrow. Thank you. Mwah.
Yaxlich – Mr Angry finds that his rate of pant soiling increases exponentially when he spends the week throwing himself down mountains.
Amy – Rub it in why don’t you!
Fat Jim – You’ve had your fifteen minutes, now piss off and find your own Internet to play with…
Minnie – unless you can relate to dislocating your shoulder I suggest you skip tomorrow too…
You really only need two pair of pants. Hand wash 1 pair in the basin.
I’m not sure which real Mr. Angry I love more, Mr. Angry or Fat Jim. You’ve both HOTT.
Angry, I am disappointed. This is a very simple thing, BA finding ways to make extra money. You should be applauding their entrepreneurial zeal!
Clarissa – Please do not encourage him. He has even mentioned starting his own blog. Which I will not promote in any way shape or form.
BoT – I do applaud it, right up until the point it hits me in the pocket…