Guess poster number one is Betty. Betty writes about a lot of different subjects, and classes herself as a twenty-something girl behaving herself, mostly. No, I do not know what the ‘something’ is. Anyway, over to her.
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So Mister Angry is away, and he left Betty in charge for a day. Time to get Livid, people.
I am quite a nice girlfriend, I think. I am generous with gifts, time, affection, and blow jobs. For my boyfriend’s birthday a few weeks ago I thought I would buy him a signed Liverpool shirt. He is a huge Liverpool fan, and for the life of me I can’t seem to get tickets ever.
Enter Ebay.
I found the perfect shirt on offer from an ebayer called Wanker15* (*not his real name). Signed by the team it said. 100% authenticity guaranteed. I got excited, won the bid and paid the money. I received the goods, and a very basic home printed Certificate of Authenticity, which said something to the effect of: This is 100% Authentic guaranteed. Probably. Oh, and the signatures? Looked like scribbles of nothing. I gave it to him anyway.
The following Monday he broke the news. Not only were the signatures dodgy, but the shirt itself was a fake. Fucking ebay cunts. I wrote to Wanker15 and explained that the shirt was fake and I required a refund.
No response for a few days. So I lodged a claim via Paypal.
I then received a curious message from a new ebayer, Twat05 :
Hi I was shocked to see that you had placed a complaint with paypal,i got back to you as soon as i saw your emails,i did not get back to you straight away as i have been away on familly business for a while with no access to a computer.Please be assured that i take customer concernes very seriously.Have you taken time to look at my feedback to see the many satisfied and happy customers i have had in the past and present and will have in the future..Again i can only state that on the shirt are autographs NOT signatures,autographs are quick scribbles of stars who as you can understand do an awfull lot of this and in their hectic lives rarely take time to do it neatly,unless of course they are signing cheques,but thats signatures.
I replied to Twat05 to ask why he seemed to have two names and I received the following:
Greetings to you,i am sorry but you have no outstanding issues with this member,perhaps if you contact the correct member they will be able to sort your problems out for you.Good luck.
Curious! So I emailed Wanker15 to ask who the other Twat was and received the following email:
Hi, I dont understand the first part of your message,you bought this shirt from me,you are only dealing with me.
Excellent. My first experience on Ebay, and I am dealing with someone with multiple personality disorder.
Via Paypal I eventually got a refund for the shirt, once I sent it back. I also noted that the business url listed on Paypal for this trader was a site selling football shirts of every team you could imagine. With not a trace of bitterness I reported this cunting counterfeit site to Trading Standards.
Since then I have bought one other shirt off Ebay. This seller had over 2500 positive feedbacks, so I figured I would be much safer.
I was wrong. It was also fake.
Looks like N will be getting a blow job for his birthday after all.
Livid.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
It was my birthday last week.
and mine
I never understood why people want a rushed squiggle purporting to be some famous person’s name anyway. Bad luck with the ebay schizo though, that newbie sign is like a mugger magnet at times.
poor boyfriend. that’s a bit hard to swallow.
Hey, a blow from an attractive young lady beats a football shirt every time.
A signed, English rugby shirt on the other hand … well, it’d have to be a bloody good blow!
GH.
PS Did I mention it was my birthday recently too? No, seriously, March 3rd
Fat Jim and Dev – Congrats. What?
Fussy Bitch – I don’t understand the need for football autographs, he doesn’t understand my need for shoes and makeup. Somewhere there is a happy balance.
Enidd – Touche`.
I was wondering, if you are generous with your BJ’s anyway, how did you make this a special birthday treat? Asphyxiation maybe, or did you wear the shirt?
Who the fuck would want a liverpool shirt over a blowjob. Not me. I am 47 and would not want want 47 football shirts. BUT 47 blowjobs hoho now youre talking. Not in the same night of course, dont want to appear greedy.
Why do I get the impression you skim read this post:
“Blah blah blah blah blow job blah blah.”
It is so hard for a girl to be taken seriously around here.
*Flicks hair and bats eyelids*
Fat Jim, asphyxiation is very dangerous and should not be attempted. Again.
Right, well it didn’t take me long to work out what todays post is about! My penchant for reading the comments before the post is waning.
Betty I hope your boyfriend appreciated all the effort you put in. I bought Mr F an electric guitar for his birthday and I wish I had just given him a BJ cause the noise is shocking!
My birthday could be today!
I actually met a person who did the whole ebay thing and as a job travels around the world getting autographs off celebrities. as proof of authenticity with the shirt he has a photo taken of himself with said celebrity & the signed shirt.
They are not all dodgy little fuckers.
My comments are getting stuck in the spam bin, which I do not have the power of correcting.
Testing.
Right. This post is not about blow jobs, people! It’s about consumer issues, and good vs evil and other important things.
Why is it so hard for a girl to be taken seriously?
*flicks hair and bats eyelids*
Oli, can he get me a shirt then?
Mrs F, thank you. He was very appreciative. Hehe.
I will ask him next time I see him, dont know when it will be though, he has a tendancy to wander by my house and knock on th door every 6 months or so, he travels so much i gave up ringing him for the occasional pint ages ago!
Too much talk of blowjobs during office hours!!
Horny and surrounded by work colleagues is not a good state to be in.
Presumably a blow job for him from the Liverpool team is out of the question?
Also did you know “ebay” is ancient sumerian for “sell cheaply” though literally translated it means “to steal”.
By the way I made that last bit up!
I would withdraw the birthday blowjob on account as he actually checked the validity of the shirt! Cheeky bugger, pressies are pressies and should be cheerfully accepted at face value.
I’m with BoT … why is N checking the authenticity of the shirts? If he kept quiet, I suspect he’d get both a shirt (albeit a ‘fake’) AND a blowjob.
I’ve never trusted ebay.
Anyhoo, I’m sure he was plenty happy with what he got!
Did he also check the authenticity of the bj?
It’s my birthday this year too, what an amazing coincidence!
Oh no, I absolutely asked him to check the authenticity. It cost a lot of money and I wanted to know it was real.
I am not into fakes on any level. Orgasms, shirts, whatever!
I go away for one day and look what happens. “I am going to write about eBay” said Betty…