February 2007

Today is a day for honesty

February 14, 2007

Today is the day that the postmen of my home town dread above all others. They know that today they are going to have to deliver literally dozens of cards to my flat, all from secret admirers wanting to be my Valentine. My level of desirability is creating work for them, work they wouldn’t have [...]

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Old Friends

February 13, 2007

I popped home for a couple of days a few weeks ago, and whilst in my old local I bumped into an old school friend, Rob, who I hadn’t seen in over ten years. This is not an every day occurrence, obviously, but after a few seconds of back-slapping and hand shaking, the conversation flowed [...]

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An eye for an eye

February 12, 2007

I am a big believer in the saying, “What goes around, comes around.” It implies that people will get what is coming to them, and this is extremely satisfying when someone has done something deserving of retribution. It could be a speeding motorist who flashed his was past you, that you later see by the [...]

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The French

February 9, 2007

The French have contributed some wonderful things to our world. Probably. It is just that I can’t think of any right now. Give me a minute. No. Still nothing. Having just spent a week in Courchevel, my views on the French have not been greatly improved. The wear ridiculous luminous one-piece ski-suits on the slopes, [...]

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Plausible deniability

February 8, 2007

A football changing room, winter 1996. “Fucking Hell Angry, did you see the state of that bird you were chatting to last night?” “Fuck off, she was lovely. You were so pissed you probably don’t remember what a great body she had? Or that plunging neckline? She was minted too, bought me drinks most of [...]

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Global Warming

February 7, 2007

Apparently it is our fault. By our fault I mean of course, men. Or rather one in particular, as every headline I have read this week told me there was a “Man Responsible For Global Warming”. I am glad that they did not name him though, as you can see what happens with rape cases [...]

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Those poor turkeys

February 6, 2007

As I write, there is probably a huge barbecue being prepared in Suffolk. Someone is probably scrambling around for fire-lighters and kindling, whilst someone else is looking for a really really big umbrella for when it inevitably rains. This is because the country is now infected with H5N1! I am sure you are absolutely terrified [...]

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Hint hint

February 5, 2007

Chunk! The silver tray hit the bar with all the subtlety of a Jade Goody goodwill trip to the subcontinent. Resting upon it is a single pound coin, a fifty pence piece, and twenty pence piece and a five pence piece. That is one pound and seventy five pence for those too lazy to add [...]

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Getting home

February 2, 2007

“Fuck!” I said loudly. “Fuck, and indeed, shit!” replied my mate Steve. It was our final day in the snow and we had just realised that by skiing and snowboarding across the Three Valleys from Courchevel to Val Thoren (the worlds largest ski area by the way. It is fucking massive, in a hugely massive [...]

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Innocent until we change the rules

February 1, 2007

There is currently uproar throughout the media regarding the fact that only 1 in 20 rape cases results in a conviction. You can barely pick up a paper without there being some editorial or other claiming it is too difficult to get a guilty verdict, or that the system is failing because so many people [...]

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