“Angry dear, do you have any idea what you would like for Christmas?”
This is a question I get asked, every year, by members of my family. We are not a particularly creative group, so if you don’t ask for something specific, the chances are you’ll get a Book, or a Christmas Jumper. Or both if they are feeling unusually generous.
“How much do you want to spend?” I asked in return.
This question often causes some consternation, but I do not understand why. I work in an environment where if people want to buy something, one of the first things you must do is find out how much they have to spend. It is good business practise, it expedites a swift conclusion the transaction and ensures both parties are clear on where this commercial relationship is going.
I see no reason why this shouldn’t be applied to your personal life.
“I’m not telling you that!”
“In that case I want one of the following, a Bose sound-dock for my iPod, a new Sony Vaio laptop, or a new BMW 3 Series Coupé. Your choice”
“You’re just being silly now.”
No, actually. I am being realistic. What is the point of me naming a present that costs ten pounds if you were planning on spending £30 on me? I am doing myself out of £20 worth of potential gifts. That is being silly.
The same principle works in reverse. Just before I go Christmas shopping after lunch on Christmas Eve to buy my families Christmas presents, I call each of them in turn.
“What do you want for Christmas? I am in HMV, and have £15 with your name on it. You have 20 seconds or you get vouchers.”
If focusses the mind, and takes much of the stress out of Christmas shopping. You should all try it.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
A christmas jumper?
The english are weird.
I usually buy all my gifts in Ann Summers.
Betty – Ah yes, Great Aunty Mae really loves those open crotch panties I got her last year.
Angry If it was not for the fact you are in wrong part of the UK I would say you were my brother.
Betty has a good idea and I like a woman who buys her presents at Ann Summers, but it is more than likely that said present will lead to a Christmas jump thus making the recipient a Christmas jumper.
It sounds like I’ve been smoking the yuletide nutmeg again doesn’t it?
I would like Stiletto’s, fish-net tights, a micro-dress and a return ticket to Ipswich. I understand that business is now picking up following the 2 arrests. Thanks
Its complicated stuff this isn’t it… its also bloody daft.
Last night I had the displeasure of speaking to my Mum about christmas. In one short conversation I got moaned at about the following:
Spending too much,
Spending too little,
Buying presents for people you don’t like just “because its christmas”,
NOT buying presents for people you don’t like just “because its christmas”
How buying too many presents for one person is pointless when you know what they want,
how buying one person exactly what they wanted but nothing else is also wrong,
I’m sure there was more… my ears are still ringing.
Christ knows how Santa manages the poor old sod!!
Billyboy – You brother sounds like a top bloke.
TJ – On they’re way…
Scott – Take her shopping where Betty recommended…
Mr A. you continue to bring me solutions to my christmas shopping worries. After buying train tickets for the ex’s, I can now go and buy vouchers for the current girlie with a clear conscience.
Does Anne Summers do vouchers?
GH
‘…. Hello Mr A…I’m in Ann Summers shop with a wad of cash……I don’t mind browsing….’
Ok – this year nobody has asked me what I want, worrying. No doubt, I will recieve the following:
From Mother: Something from a “craft fair” and / or a “stone” blessed with goodwill or some other mumbo jumbo wank.
From Father: A round the world “gift” pack of specialty ale, not bad but theres only about three in a pack, not enough for a modern day binge.
From my Brother: Something from http://www.edible.com, this isnt a plug, he usually buys me weasle sick coffe or something
From my Sister: ho ho ho, that funny old “delivery was messed up by amazon and therefore you have nothing” line. Why is it Amazon only lose my package every Christmas?
Maybe Angry we could do a post Christmas summary of received gifts….?
Well I just tried that on the girlie and she wasn’t impressed. In fact, various parts of my anatomy were threatened. Maybe its still possible to get a 3 for 2 offer on those train tickets . . .
GH
A friend of mine had a family that delighted in giving weird and pointless gifts for christmas. One year the poor bastard got a tube of pile cream and some bermuda shorts.
GH – They ALL count…
greavsie – that could turn out to be one exceptionally long browse…
Dr Clip – I have strong suspicion ‘shit gifts’ will be the cornerstone of all post-25th posts…
GH – You weren’t forceful enough. Try harder.
Dr J – Now THAT is creative Christmas present giving…
I was pretty surprised this year when my mom told me how much she was willing to spend on me! And that’s how I’m getting a new winter coat! It really was easier to know how much my parents had allotted so I could ask for something I really wanted at the price they put out.
I find the art is in being organised and buying things in the various sales throughout the year. You have to buy things that look as expensive as possible as cheaply as possible.
“Oh dear, did I forget to take the price tag off again?”
That sort of thing.
I find it easier and cheaper to argue with everyone I know in November and make up in January.
A BMW? really I thought you would have more taste than that
We have established a rule: if we are not physically around, then no presents given or received. After establishing this rule we moved far far away from all family. Xmas present giving problem solved.
My favourite conversation goes something like this:
Family member – what do you want for Xmas
Me – Titliest NXT golf balls please
FM – That’s boring, I don’t want to get you that
Me – but I will use them, they are reasonably priced and it saves me spending my own hard earned cash.
This conversation goes on like this for a while and then at Christmas they buy me a book a didn’t want and some substandard, cheap as shit, fly like a brick golf balls because “they were much cheaper than the ones you said about”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Angry – please don’t feel the need to point out that I am dyslexic and deserve shite golf balls if I can’t spell the brand correctly
I’m most concerned that a BMW 3 series is on your list – you quite clearly are VERY silly indeed.
There is nothing wrong with a 3 Series BMW!!!
Boy racer chav car, Audi TT far more stylish
Audi TT? Pff. For posers.
Go for a thinking man’s car, an Alfa Brera, Fiat Grande Punto Abarth or a Nissan 350Z.
There’s so much to choose from, don’t wish yourself amongst the soap salesmen.
I’m with you on the Alfa Brera, very nice as long as it’s in the right colour.
ask 4 a ferrari, mabe ull get the beem