It seems the Risk Advisory Group has been doing some research on the CV’s (that’s ‘resumés’ for our American reader) that people submit for gainful employment up and down the country. They looked at 3,700 in total and it highlighted a quite alarming statistic.
It appears, quite unbelievably, that 80% of people are telling the truth on their CV’s!
I know. It’s crazy shit.
Do these people know nothing of the ways of the world? Everyone knows that telling the truth when applying for a job is the biggest faux-pas you can make.
“Well, I spend somewhere in the region of 8 hours a week surfing the Internet, and it takes me 25 minutes to make a cup of tea, of which, I have 4 a day.”
The people who undertook this survey clearly did not pay attention to the audience. If someone has lied on their CV, how big a deal do you think it’s going to be to lie to someone about the fact that you lied? I can only conclude that the 20% of people who admitted to lying were duped into doing so, or were trying to impress their interviewer as if the subject of some elaborate tabloid sting operation. It is scenarios like this that led to the term ‘Honeytrap’ being added to the dictionary.
If a fit blond with big boobs was flirting with you, and told you she liked bad boys, then played with her hair whilst whispering, “Have you ever fibbed on your CV?”, what would you say?
Everyone lies on their CV. Even the Pope (you don’t think he mentioned Hitler youth on his application do you?). It’s all about the extent of the lie, and whether someone can disprove it.
I’ve told a few CV-based white lies in my time, the best involved a third world country, an orphanage for blind kids, and a charity called the Mr Angry Benevolence Foundation. What’s the biggest whopper you’ve told in order to secure the job of your choice?
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I got a job with with a property developer despite never having developed any property. Not one single bungalow even.
I mean I’ve built a few roads, the odd bridge, worked on CTRL and spent quite a time building water infrastructure, but not one house.
After 2 years pretending I know what I’m doing I’ve got a new job with even more things I have no idea what I’m doing in my power.
I did tell the truth at the interview though, and they still offered me the job – still there’e no accounting for taste.
Biggest lie?
I was qualified to do a finance job, boy they figured that out quick, But it did mean that I could put on my CV that I had training and experience in a finance role.
I was shortlisted as a drug sniffer at Stansted Airport because I didn’t mention my addiction.
I narrowly missed getting the “Deal or no Deal” gig but couldn’t get my nose far enough up my arse apparently.
I think my biggest lie, was I’m a motivated, enthusiatic, hard working individual.
Clearly, if that was the case, I would have stayed later than 3pm yesterday and not be reading Iamlivid as soon as I get in to the office.
Mine’s the same as TJ. The lie would have to be that I care. At all. That I wanted to be in the role and don’t think that, instead of actually working in an office, I rightfully should be lying around watching back-episodes of Charmed and being fed sweetmeats by young oily men named Chad.
I lie a lot when I go for jobs. I am disturbingly good at it.
Dunno about biggest, but the best was my claim to have played first team football.
(The casualty Docs played two games against the Nurses at one of my former jobs. Game one was just the lads (Docs) against the girlies. Sadly Game two they got wise and drafted in their boyfriends and the plaster technicians. Still it meant I had played football as a representative of the Hospital, hence First Team Footy.)
Sadly, they looked at me, then at my CV and the deception was rendered instantly transparent. Still it gave me something to talk about in the interviews…
AFC – any particular houses we should avoid buying?
Oli – It’s counting beans, how hard can it be?
Murphy – there’s a lot of overtime in that I hear
TJ – Does your CV have a mission statement too?
Léonie – excellent (apart from the Charmed bit)
Dr J – You didn’t offer any keepy-uppy’s as proof then?
Are you kidding? Charmed is ace. Have you seen Alyssa Milano? My God, man, get a bloody grip.
Léonie – I do know who Alyssa Milano is, I have loved her since she was in “She’s the Boss” with Tony Danza. She has nice boobs (plus a kind and generous nature, and a beautiful soul yada yada yada)
All houses – they’re all shocking…..
Sitting in the stairwell yesteday – a man talking on his mobile phone arguing the merits of lying about 3 points on his licence.
hardly worth it?
AFC – You mean no-one has the appropriate qualifications to build houses? It would explain the necessity of a lot of my DIY…
Philip – I agree, if you’re going to lie, then make it something good, like an 18 month ban for doing 120mph on the M1 with a naked page 3 model snorting coke from your lap. Or similar.
I haven’t had to lie yet, however, I’ve been in school for the past 9 years,(four University, 5 graduate work) soooo. I got this job (while still a full time student) as an intern, which doesn’t count so much.
I have omitted things, like all my lifeguard and first aid training. I mean, no one here ( a publishing agency for science) cares about that.
I’m sure once I FIANLLY graduate I’ll be spinning a few…
“I’m sure once I FIANLLY graduate ”
May be a while with spelling like that =p
I graduated last July and to get my first job i said i worked for a security defense firm in Dubai. The name of the company was totally made up.
By the way, the Job is shit.
I’ve been freelance for years. Even so, I have a CV of the ‘just in case’ variety. 15 years worth of clients listed chronologically (with repeat business included) would not fit on 2 x A4 sheets. Abbreviating that much experience into a written CV is, of necessity, more like writing a publicity piece. So it’s odd, but not necessarily bollocks?
Oops, Oli!! Was typing a bit fast *guilty look*
I’m a scientist anyway so to hell with spelling,we make up most of our words anyway;-P
i speak fluent french and 4 other languages…… barely speak english at the best of times.
omitted main interest as shopping, though have to remove about 10 of my previous jobs as to have too many makes me look feckless. inflated a job role from skivvy to the manager by a few slips of a keyboard oh and the fake reference….. my best mate on the phone to say i’m a great employee
Oh, I’ve never lied (or even exaggerated) on my CV. Sorry, Mr. Angry, but you are not the big-boobed blonde whose going to get a confession out of me!
In regards to Leonie’s fondness for Charmed. Me too! I’m a secret addict. I watch it alone and quickly change the channel when I hear footsteps coming my way.
If a fit blond with big boobs was flirting with you, and told you she liked bad boys, then played with her hair whilst whispering, “Have you ever fibbed on your CV?”, what would you say?
I’d say ‘how dare you Madam! Do I LOOK like a Lesbian??!’ and I’d try to shuffle my ugly shoes out of sight and hope that the sunlight hadn’t caught my whiskers…
I can’t lie. I see a cop car and I feel guilty! And I’d be crap at remembering that I’d told the lie in the first place and then the lies would get all muddly in my head…. *twitch*
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