September 2006

Shiver me timbers

September 19, 2006

The office cleaner has just been to clear the bin next to my desk. Having recently moved to a new office, this is the first time I have met him. As regular readers will know, I am a man of the people and not concerned with such things as social standing, so I engaged him [...]

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Sup Dawg

September 19, 2006

As I walk into the local I’m greeted by Fat Jim at the Bar. I have not seen him since I got back from my holiday. Fat Jim likes to think of himself as ‘down with the kids’, not in the Gary Glitter way of course, and when he sees me he cries, “Sup Dawg!” [...]

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Information for the masses

September 18, 2006

I think most adverts are shit. This is not new, and should not come as any surprise to anyone reading this. However, those clever advertising folks have now started adding useful pieces of information during the product placements. Just little things that could possibly save your life. I believe the Marketeers out there would refer [...]

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The book-writing cabbie

September 15, 2006

“I’m writing this book you see.” said the friendly ginger-haired cab driver. All of you people with your pre-conceived notions of ginger hair equalling fiery temper are clearly wrong, they can be kind and happy too. If a little pale for my taste. Almost sickly in fact. “Really? Tell me about it.” I enquire enthusiastically. [...]

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You do the maths

September 14, 2006

The day before I went on my recent golf holiday I went to the local driving range for one last practise session, the one that would ensure I broke 70 for the first time whilst on tour. The automated machine said £3.50 for the 50 balls that I wanted to hit, or £4.50 for 75 [...]

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The blind leading the banned

September 13, 2006

The country has gone fucking mental whilst I’ve been away. A blind man, Omed Aziz, has been given a 12 week suspended prison sentence for driving a car whilst uninsured. Yes. He is blind. In that there are no fucking eyes in his head. And he can’t see things like other cars, the road, or [...]

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Silly Money

September 12, 2006

After getting horrendously drunk on the second night of my holiday, I awoke to find my pockets completely empty, and no memory of how they got that way.  I had managed to spend all of the cash I had taken out of the ATM, and had somehow managed to lose my bankcard as well. This [...]

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Tips should be earned

September 10, 2006

I’ve always believed you shouldn’t tip for the sake of tipping, and I’ve always been one to point out particularly bad service where a ‘discretionary’ tip has been added to my bill. The cheeky overcharging fuckers. I must point out though that this does not mean I am tight, far from it. I just hate [...]

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Distruptists

September 1, 2006

I am flying again tomorrow. I am off to Portugal for a week, and will be relying on British Airways baggage handling systems for the first time since I went to Edinburgh. Though it was obviously a bit of a shambles, the terror alert, whilst annoying, was hardly terrifying now was it? I’ll admit that [...]

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