I’ve always believed you shouldn’t tip for the sake of tipping, and I’ve always been one to point out particularly bad service where a ‘discretionary’ tip has been added to my bill. The cheeky overcharging fuckers. I must point out though that this does not mean I am tight, far from it. I just hate it when a tip becomes so expected that the service no longer warrants it.
I was hoping mainland Europe would provide a haven from this culture of expected tipping. I was proven wrong within minutes.
After reaching our hotel in Lisbon I simply wanted to go to the room and shower. I’d been travelling since 5am and just wanted to lie on the bed and check out how long I could watch the porn for before being charged for it. Unfortunately, I was told to wait for porter who would take me to my room. Despite my protests, I was told to wait.
I waited in reception for 5 minutes whilst the porter made his way to meet me. He then took me to the lift where we then made a 50 yard journey to the room. He opened the door and took in my bag, and turned to face me.
I faced him and looked at him blankly.
He strode to the windows and pulled back the curtains making a sweeping gesture at the views of Lisbon. Once again we stared at each other.
He then opened the wardrobe and pointed out the ironing facilities. Then we stared at each other some more. He then helpfully demonstrated the safe, in Portuguese.
It was becoming a test of wills to see who would talk first. It was quite a stand off as he stood there waiting for his tip, smiling. The pressure of being British can be very hard sometimes.
If only I knew the Portuguese for, “Are you kidding me? I wanted to carry my own bags. I am not an invalid, I can follow simple directions, I could have got here quite easily without your intervention, and I know how to work curtains, even the Portuguese ones.”
Unfortunately my Portuguese extends to asking for a beer, and I doubted this was a suitable argument to make at this time.
I’m very sad to say that I crumbled first, and gave the man 5 Euros as I hadn’t yet got any change. It dawned on me that I was tipping him for basically delaying my day by about 5 minutes.
He thanked me and left, and I chastised myself for being such a fucking pussy. Obre-fucking-gardo yourself pal.
What a great way to start the holiday.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Next time, grab your bags and make a run for it…maybe once your in sight of your room and slam the door before he can get in to show you the curtains
Dearest Angry. Memorize this phrase for your next trip to a Portuguese speaking country: Va toma nu cu. You’ll be well rewarded. xxx, e
I hate tipping for normal service, good service I dont mind tipping for, but im skint enough as it is without paying 10 – 20% extra for a meal that was mediocre.
I did however have a fantastic curry the other night, more than warrented a tip.
Unfortunately it does seem that soon we will be tipping people for moving around us on the street.
I believe fly tipping has now been made illegal but I’m investigating the position regarding tipping the velvet.
Ldbug – if they’d told me where the room was, I’d have made the dash for it.
ellie – Go on, tell us what it means… Please?
Oli – Exactly my point. Let’s start a campaign to punish bad service!
Murphy – Need any help checking on the velvet tipping?
Would I be right in assuming that Mr A bombed with the female of the species given that your first post back is to do with tipping a porter (not a euphemism)!
Hope you had a good time in Portugal and did some exploring outside of your room during porn breaks
TJ – It was a week of sporting endeavours. I can assure you I would’ve had success had that been my aim. Which it wasn’t. Which is why I didn’t get any.
Banana – Not much exploring I’m afraid…
Bom bloody Dia as I used to say…
THANK YOU!!!!
I argue this until I’m blue in the face. I refuse to tip unless I’ve had amazing service.
It pisses me off that waiters/waitresses expect a tip just because they’ve done what they are being paid to do and dumped my meal on my table. Big whoop.
If they were say in Kenya where they’re earning sweet FA then I am more giving but here in the UK they are earning a wage perhaps not an amazing wage but neither is mine and I don’t get tipped.
If you want to earn more than minimum wage pull your finger out and wait like you’ve never waited before.
Then again I do have high standards as if I was waitressing I know I’d be bubbly and give great customer service.
So how successful were your sporting endeavours?
I’m sure you came first in everything and are just being modest which is why you haven’t mentioned your success!
I think the campaign should involve booby traps & high explosives, that’l get wid of those pesky baggage handwers.
*pumps shot gun elmer fudd style*
greavsie – there was nothing particularly good about this day. I shall use that next time…
Celeste – I take it this has hit a nerve? I shall have to remember to tell the tale of the Chineses restaurant in Sand Diego where I refused to pay any tip…
TJ – Golf was the winner, this is all you need to know at this point.
Oli – Can we have the hats too?
Va toma nu cu = go take it in the ass
Interesting fact I learned today: cruise lines give you the option to pay your gratuities in advance when booking…
who is golf and why have we not heard of this successful person before?
One only thing, is that waiters and waitresess are paid less than minimum wage. They are paid based on the tips they ‘will’ make..which sucks, cos they may not make tips, and what the hell? I investigated this due to a short interprise outside of the science arena.
This happens on cruise trips too, so I say we ‘damn the man’ and not punish the poor minions.
I say punish the poor minions, if waiters etc got better paying jobs the resteraunts and cruise lines would have to up the wage to get people in.
And yes, the hats would be essential, I was also thinking a pipe and a handlebar moustache.