July 2006

Is there a Doctor in the house?

July 17, 2006

Doctors are great. Generally speaking. They save lives, and are allowed prescribe drugs and stuff. All this without any discernible super powers. Only a very small percentage of them have beards and are old-people killers so I think, that on the whole, they are a very good thing. I even read sites written by a [...]

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Will he ever learn?

July 14, 2006

We human beings are resilient creatures, and as they say, what doesn’t kill us makes stronger. We live. We learn. When we make mistakes of catastrophic proportions, we tend not to make them again. Unless of course we are Sir Clive Sinclair. The inventor of the Sinclair C5 has done it again. And by again, [...]

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Help, I need somebody

July 13, 2006

The sign says, “For information, press here” This is a pretty clear instruction. It was on a big white Help point on platform 6 at Vauxhall station in London, and as all of the monitors that usually tell you which train is next were blank, I thought I would use it to check which platform [...]

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A drunken faux pas

July 12, 2006

Sometimes when alcohol has taken control of your brain, it’s possible that you might say something a little bit silly. Quite accidentally of course. I’m not talking about showing your ignorance or lack of intelligence. I can do that perfectly well when I’m sober. I’m talking about a slip of your drunken tongue which makes [...]

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Endangered

July 11, 2006

Whilst I was away this weekend, the topic of endangered species came up over dinner one night. You know, as it does. I think maybe there was something rare or endangered on the menu. Roasted Peregrine Falcon or Southern Fried Dodo or such like. This prompted a surprising confession from one of the lads. “I [...]

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A Cunning Linguist

July 10, 2006

“Do you speak English?” I ask the excessively fat Hungarian Taxi driver. “No.” “Parlez-vous Francais?” “No” “Sprechen Sie Deutsches?” “No.” “Parlate Italiano?” “No.” “Err, OK then. Can you take us to the Bed Bar on the Island?” “Lapdance?” “No, The Bed Bar. On the island” “Good lapdance” “No lapdance. Just Bed Bar. On the island. [...]

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He is a Cunt

July 7, 2006

Though I obviously appreciate a liberal smattering of swearing in everyday conversation, I don’t use the ‘C’ word very often. I save it for those people that genuinely deserve it, the true scum and villainy that lurks amongst us. And Sayed Ahmed is one such person. I admit that I didn’t watch much of this [...]

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I am not deaf

July 6, 2006

I’m sure that losing your hearing is a pain in the arse, I don’t mean like Piles is a pain in the arse, I’m talking metaphorically. I am lucky that so far my hearing doesn’t seem to have started to fail, despite attending numerous loud gigs as a youth and frequent trips to the local [...]

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The catch-up

July 5, 2006

I meet a friend for a drink. I do have a number of friends, so this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Some of them are quite normal. I hadn’t seen this friend for a number of months, so it was good to meet for a drink and catch-up on what was happening in [...]

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Up-to-the-minute information

July 4, 2006

I am sat in my car with the engine running, but I’m not moving. This happens a lot with people who commute, but this is Sunday evening and I’m driving south on the M40. Or rather I’m pointing south. There hasn’t been much driving in the last five minutes or so. My satellite navigation system [...]

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