“Eye spy with my little eye”, began fat Jim as we watched the buildings pass by on our way into London, “..something beginning with….”G”..”
“Girls?” I replied wishing the game was over already.
“No” came the answer of an excited child.
“Ginger biscuits?”
“No”
“Gravity?”
“No, and don’t think I didn’t see what you did there you smart arse, you have to actually SEE it, not it’s effect”
“So I can’t have ‘Geriatric Sex’ as my guess from looking at you?”
“Nope”
“Garden?”
“Nope”
“Gesture?” I say whilst giving Fat Jim the bird.
“No”
“I suppose I can’t have my guess by saying this is beginning to feel like a weekend break in Gomorrah?”
“Nope”
“OK, I give up”
“Ha! General Custer!”
“Where?”
“Where what?”
“Where is General Custer? Where the FUCK is General Custer? This is the 7:19 to London Paddington. There are no Injuns on board, and there definitely isn’t a General fucking Custer anywhere to be seen!”
“He was in a documentary on TV last night”
Is there a point at which an adult, who doesn’t understand the rules to a game played by five year-olds, can be viciously beaten without consequence? Who on Gods earth doesn’t know how to play eye-spy?
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Nah, beatings too good for him. I’d just restrict the job opportunities he has to no more than a manual labourer.
Mmmmm and this is your friendly traveling companion? Mine on the other hand is an actuary who is so sodding intelligent I’m sure he gets a headache just trying to think down to my level. – Oh and he drives a Porsche and keeps reming me about my humble VW…..
Don’t let him watch a David Attenborough documentary or it will feel like you are in Gomorrah
Smarty pants kids are bloody awful. Most kids are bloody awful actually. Jesus on his bike!
I spend all day working with them, and then the cheeky bastards spend my evenings knocking the shit out of my garden. GRRRRRRRRRRRR
BoT – I could never tell you what he did for a living…ever!
AFC 30K – I wasn’t clear, it was 7:19pm and we were heading into London for a night out. And it was a while ago, I just remembered it again this week.
Shamash – A night out with Fat Jim is more like a night out in Gomorrah than I care to admit.
RD – Can’t you hypnotise them into tidying your garden?
Ginger Biscuits? The bloody things are getting everywhere…..
They are on sale at jacksons, hence packets appear in offices and on commutes all over the country, I too had a ginger biscuit for the first time in months. Previously I would have changed that due to sexual innuendos galore, but NF aint here no more.
I want her back =( =p
You should have poked his fucking eyes out. And if Fat Jim is actaully fat, maybe an “eye spy with my little eye something beginning with creme cake, oh its over there in the other carriage” would have got rid of him quick enough.
Did this guy have friends as a kid? Maybe he played with a silent imaginary friend who could put up with him.
…
i like ginger biscuits.
Please refrain from mentioning ginger biscuits. I like them too. They do not exist in France. I may have to have a tantrum if it’s mentioned again.
That is all.
But france have LU biscuits which are sooooo good! Especially the little boat ones.
Hmmmm, Ginger Nuts.
Haven’t had a couple of them in while…..