A little white lie never hurt anyone.
Well, I say they’ve never hurt anyone, they have of course sent a few people to prison, but they’ve rarely caused actual physical harm to anyone. So in general they are OK to use on an alarmingly frequent basis.
However, there are some fucking massive great whopping lies that get told on a regular basis without care or consideration for the consequences. They are, without exception, bollocks.
“The cheque is in the post” – Oh not it fucking isn’t you pikey fuck. Pay up!
“Of course I’ll respect you in the morning” – Get your kit off. Now. And what’s your name again?
“I’m really sorry about this, but…” – No you’re not. In fact, you’re probably taking some sort of perverse pleasure in giving me this imminent piece of bad news you sociopathic wank-rag.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but….” – Don’t fucking say it then. The words don’t seem to be slipping out, there’s definite intention there, so keep them to yourselves if you don’t want a fucking slap.
“There are weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq” – Yup, they were right at the end of that Rainbow weren’t they?
“I’ll be five minutes” - Fuck. Right. Off. What you mean is, I have no concept of time, it is all irrelevant to me and I’ll be ready when my circadian rhythm tells me I’m ready.
And the motherfucking daddy of them all?
“Your call is important to us. We are doing everything we can to answer your call as quickly as we possibly can.”
What’s the worst (best?) lie you’ve ever told, and do people now know it was a lie?
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
i told work that i had food poisoning and went to the phoenix festival for four days in 1996
when i got back to work on monday black as the ace of spades and looking knackered from only a couple of hours sleep a night over the whole time everybody took real pity on me
best skive of my life!
“We are sorry for the delay to your journey…”
No their fucking not! The directors of the train companies still seem to be able to claim their bonuses, despite the delays…
Don’t think i could admit to it on here because the wrong people might stumble across my confession and i’ll be in the shit.
But trust me it’s a bad one :/
As for “your call is important to us” it’s 100 times worse when THEY RING YOU then put u on hold.
goober dust – Hello. You ‘blacked-up’ to go to work? Isn’t that a bit racialist?
BoT – I think this is true of any pre-recorded apology?
Marycub – Go on, spill, we’re all friends here…. ahem…
Mr Angry,
Do you think the frequent ‘I love you’ comments from various (hopefully) female posters to this site are harmless white lies or more….
Dr_Clip is a highly motivated, team player with industry expertise. Over achieving in all areas of his work, his tenacity, combined with his inspirational ideas means that he is a genuine contributor to the overall success of the business.
*copy right Dr Clip, if this does help you get a job I would like 5% of annual salary, and 15% of annual bonus. Usual terms and conditions apply.
Grinot Gringo – Are you dyslexic? And they are heartfelt comments. Obviously.
Dr Clip – inspirational ideas? Such as “Let’s have lunch at the pub today”?
Not sure of which lie I particuarly hate, but one sentence that puts shivers down my spine is something that my mrs says on occasion.
‘Dulalrd, I’ve been thinking…..’
It basicaly means that I will have to spend cash at some stage for something I will not benefit from.
Make Poverty History was a complete lie. I’m still skint.
“with all due respect …………..”. Aka I don’t have any respect for you and I don’t give a shit about your opinion
I love you.
Er…
I can’t see you anymore because I am seeing someone. And it’s serious.
I didn’t get your text.
I don’t normally do this.
I’m a good girl really.
I never fuck on the first date.
I’ll call you.
“It’s not you, it’s me…”
WHY do people still fall for this line?
It is as old as my cock is long.
Clarification: it is about 4 inches old.
No really i can’t say but lets just say it involves sex… it normally always does, doesn’t it lol.
RD – “Make relative poverty history” isn’t as catchy though.
TJ – Not really a lie if you don’t think any respek is due though? More ‘misleading’ I think…
Ellie – I’m sure you do. Now, about those lies?
NF – How did I know your list would be the longest.
Leo – and no fallback “It’s cold today” excuse, oh the shame…
Marycub – which sex and what sex? Spill it!
This is a good blog.
Tired Dad – Hello. It is rather, isn’t it?
My salary when applying for new jobs.P60? Lie about that as well
the biggest lie of them all has got to be-
“oh yes darling i came too”
don’t deny it
(that isn’t my big secret lie btw)
this will not hurt is a fave lie before shoving a syringe into a patient.
no the green spots are a common side effect
It might help to note that most of the staving people in africa have more money than us, its close to 85% of people over the age of 20 in the uk are in debt.
Since the starving people in africa have such a poor credit rating they cant get into debt, therefore i vote that for the next live 8 gig we send a load of white blokes to sing in central africa, perhaps on a farm somewhere.