Everyone loves a winner, except Michael Winner, he’s a pompous twat. But winning is ace and it is therefore something we should all experience at some point in our lives. Except the losers out there. Because without them, there couldn’t be people like me and it’s best not to give them false hope. That’s just cruel.
This desire to ‘win’ is why it’s so tempting to enter a competition when you are absolutely, positively, stone-cold 100% certain you know the correct answer. Like the kid at the back of the class waving his arm as high up in the air as possible, willing the teacher to look his way, it is an almost irresistible draw to let everyone know how clever you really are. Or rather, how clever you think you are.
Which is what the TV stations are relying on when they have their thinly-veiled cash collection exercises, otherwise known as text ‘competitions’. For some reason they seem to think that we’re all stupid, and are willing to spend the price of a lottery ticket to win a ticket to a World Cup football match, when the odds of success are probably nearing the 14 million to 1 you’d expect on the lottery.
The reason the odds are so high? Because everyone, and I mean everyone, will know the answer, and will presumably text in as a result. Perhaps an example would better illustrate this?
Question : Which footballers tears captured the nations hearts at World Cup Italia ’90?
A: Margaret Thatcher
B: Paul “Gazza” Gascoigne
C: Shergar
There are people living in remote Amazonian villages that know the answer to this question. They might not have running water, or ever had a McDonalds, but I bet they’re waving their hands at the back to this question going, “I know! I know! I know!”. If they had mobile phones instead of spears and mud huts, then the odds of winning would drop even further.
Think about it. If its a quiz, and everyone knows the answer, then surely it just becomes a lottery? So why waste your pound texting in to confirm you really are the sheep they think you are? Like Mark Twain once said, “Better to be thought of as a sheep, than take your mobile out of your pocket and remove all doubt.”
Clearly lots of people are texting in, because these competitions are becoming ever more pervasive. And the prizes are getting worse. Surely it’s only a matter of time before you can text in to win a pound*?
And no, I didn’t win the tickets.
* Standard mobile charges apply.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Text to win = Licence to print money.
I did win one of the free internet competitions once, £375 quid, not bad!
Oli – You won £375? Or you ran a competition and made £375? One is significantly cooler than the other.
Blame Labour. They changed the law to water down the “skill” nature of such competitions letting any tom dick or harry run them. There is almost no regulation on premium rate quizzes. The industry is “self-regulating”, and though the body responsible can theoretically impose fines, it almost never does. So long as you have a way of promoting the “contest”, literally anyone can set one up. Raffles run by the local Women’s Institute have to jump through more organisational hurdles than text quizzes.
I once got addicted to those phone lines (not THOSE ones) where you answer ten trivia questions to win a grand.
The first three questions were easy.
My parents were thrilled when the bill came in.
BoT – So there’s a quick buck to be made eh? Interesting….
NF – Did they ask the questions. ever. so. slow. ly.
I wonder how many people do enter though. If it’s really easy, I assume everyone knows and will ring in, therefore the odds will be ludicrously long that I’ll win, so I don’t ring in myself. I’m sure others think the same way?
The number’s bear an almost exact relationship to how well its promoted. Sky Premiership, Big Brother, Sun Newspaper, the things with big splashes get lots of respondants (and I mean 100K to a million). Curiously Celebrity Love Island, despite a massive ad promo, got very very little premium rate (either phone or txt) responses to votes or quizzes. There is some hope for the British public yet…
How utterly stupid are those who enter? They surely must be targeting the under 18′s.
A sucker born every day.
z – if only they did!
BoT – or it’s the fact that Patrick Kielty is an annoyingly bad presenter?
RD – if only it was one a day…
Actually, I entered one of those world cup ones.
And I am not under 18.
It’s not the first time I have been called a sucker either, but usually it’s complimentary and it preceded by the words “nice” and “cock”.
OOh just read your blog nf girl. My mum loves it.
NF – people complimented your cock?
RD – There’s no turning back now mate…
Yes Angry. My 50 year old male cock. No. But if I had one, I bet they would, I think it would be massive.
RD – Thank you. I have always been the kind of girl you take home to meet your parents.
What’s wrong with sheep?
NF – Size isn’t everything…ahem.
ellie – Their hooves mean they make lots of mistakes when texting. It’s very annoying.
You’re right — the questions are for morons. Probably they have to be kept down to the level of the average couch potato, otherwise no one at all would call in (no offence!).
I reckon they keep asking the same question over and over again in the commercial breaks until enough people have called in to cover the cost of the prize. After that it’s probably just random.
In Germany there are whole channels devoted to that sort of thing. On Friday evening with striptease. Honest.
Gosh. Hadn’t thought about that. Little bastards.
Ken – Text to strip? Hmmm… another business idea is born
ellie – I’ve never met a nice sheep.
As if txt2win compo’s weren’t bad enough, now we’ve got quiz tv channels all over the place!