I have a request.
If you’re going to ‘top’ yourself, then please do what you can to ensure you complete the task at home, or someplace quiet in the middle of the night. Try jumping off your house, or take a bath with a toaster. Do not, under any circumstances, threaten to jump off a bridge on the M25 causing a two and a half hour delay on a Saturday during the last bank Holiday weekend in May. Trust me, that just makes me want to kill you more quickly.
Had I known at the time that the delay was caused by your procrastinating on a bridge I would’ve walked from my stationary car to your location and given you a little helpful nudge on your way. I had assumed it was an accident, and was even hoping everyone involved would be OK. Now knowing the truth of the situation, I find myself wishing you a more expedient death.
Did your decision to kill yourself include an analysis of the methods which would cause the most disruption to those left behind?
- Me hanging from the bannisters = No disruption. Not good enough, next up…
- Me jumping in front of a lorry = Some possible Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the driver. Nah, I can do better…
- Me threatening to jump from a motorway bridge = Several hundred bank-holiday plans ruined. We have a winner people!
This is not to say I don’t think people committing suicide is a tragedy when it does happen, I absolutely do (unless it’s corrupt public officials about to be outed). I just believe that if you’ve decided you’re going to force yourself off this mortal coil a little earlier than planned, then the least you can do is go quietly and not make a fuss.
It’s the British way.
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Well said.
I bet it was a man wasnt it. They always do suicide in such a stupid way.
Some of my patients used to que up to jump off the m65 bridge in Ashton.
Farmers are the best at suicide. They get my seal of approval.
And by the way, some people are better off dead. Thats what I tell them anyway!
I had a two hour delay the other week due to a similar sort of idiocy requiring a man to jump off a platform in front of a train. He did a bad job of it as the train driver was competant (and lucky) enough to stop it in time, but then he refused to get off the track insisting the train run over him. Health and safety measure meant the poor transport police took a good long time to get at him.
It is in the mentality though. Suicides are selfish enough to not think of those they leave behind, so making a big splash of it (sorry, bad terminology) is just the next step.
I always liked that bit in Lethal Weapon where he deals with the potential suicide. I take it no members of the Met thought about handcuffing themselves to him and taking a leap?
Ooh, no more Mr Disgruntled. Back on splendidly Angry form.
Not that you weren’t on good form before, just not actually livid.
RD – how do farmers do it?
BoT – I’m suprised the commuters didn’t lynch him
US – I’d like to see that approach used more often, definitely!
z – contrary to popular belief, I’m not completely livid by nature, it’s stupid people that do it to me, the less of them there are, the lower my blood pressure… hence the recent hiatus.
see the dude in the motorway like was not serious about the topping himself: rather he was acting as a pricktease … no a suci-tease just looking for attention. ………best not to do it in the house as it can seriously affect the resalabilty.
mr. angry keep up the anger it’s good for the soul and the internalization of the anger is worse for the blood pressure and ulcers!
Should be ashamed if he’s British. Where’s his stiff upper lip gone then? I’d have helped yer push the git.
Karilyn – A suicease?… a wikipedia entry is calling I think…
FD – I’ ve no idea if he was British or not, it was all “cleared up” by the time we got there, I don’t even know if they jumped or not!
Guns and poison.
Sounds like a tribute band doesn’t it?
Saw a bloke jump out of a window in York last week, it was pretty morbid but something we had to watch, unfortunately th police didnt allow us to walk past afterwrds, meaning I had nearly a mile detour to make!
It was quite funny when a load of drunken blokes came out of the pub and started egging him on, the coppers wernt too impressed though!
Personally I think the futuramas suicide booth is a fantastic idea, and they say most sci-fi stuff become reality, we can only hope…
Normally I read your blog, and think “Absolutely, you are right on the money”. However in this case, I think you are wrong. If life ever gets me down to the point where I feel the need to commit suicide I am quite sure I would never actualy get round to the final act due to the time spent thinking up the best possible way to fuck off the most people. If I am going then I am going BIG. I am thinking along the lines of electricuting myself on the power substation responsible for beaming the world cup final to the UK just as rooney is stepping for a 90 minute match winning penalty.
That kind of pay back to the world is worth killing yourself for!
There is a special hell for people who do that…
Mark – hello, and welcome. You’re not Scottish are you?…
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