Exercise is good for you. Everyone knows this (except fat people on council estates). In fact, I actively encourage it. Mainly for its rage-reducing properties. It’s difficult to lash out at strangers when you’re fucking knackered.
Mr. Angry endorses exercise. Fact.
Also, if you’re going to go to a gym, or about to undertake some serious exercise, then I’ve got no qualms at all about you wearing the appropriate attire. A decent pair of trainers, maybe even some proper dri-fit sports clothing wouldn’t go amiss. It’s important to feel comfortable if you’re going to push yourself to your physical limits.
However, this does not mean that I condone the use of leg warmers and brightly coloured leotards (unless you’re in a pop video and competing for a place in my wank-bank).
What i simply cannot abide though, is people getting dressed up in all the latest Nike gear in order to walk their fucking dog around the block. Walking is not a sport, and please don’t quote those utter twats that ‘run’ at the Olympics, that’s just really shit running, like when you’re escaping from the scene of a crime and you know that proper running will draw attention to yourself, so you decide to speed-waddle away from the imminent police arrival. In fact, if any police are reading this, you should use your stop-and-search powers on any speed-waddlers you happen across, because trust me, they’re trying to get away from something. Not that I’ve ever felt the need to speed-waddle anywhere. Ahem.
Walking is not, in any sense of the word, a proper exercise. Walking does not require specialist equipment, and wearing it just makes you look like a bit-of-a-cunt as you’re out dragging Fido for a shit somewhere outside your own neighbourhood.
I recently saw a woman in what I guessed to be a spandex training outfit complete with head band and wristbands (she was old so there was no wank-bank potential, in case you were wondering).
She looked fucking ridiculous.
Her dog was about the size of a rat and was galloping along at a slow human walking pace, whilst Mrs Spandex walked along in the style of one of those speed-waddlers, only really really slowly. She could’ve gone for hours at that pace and not broken a sweat.
This is rubbish.
If you’re going to wear a head-to-toe training outfit then I want to see you get a proper sweat on, even if I have to chase you with a gun to make it happen.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree with you that people do not make enough effort on the sartorial front when walking their dogs, which is why I always walk my dog in a full-length ballgown and tiara.
Other dogwalkers just can’t take their eyes off her.
Indeed!
I love to exercise. I work out 6 days a week (3 cardio 3 weights). I used to be a fat git. Now I am a lean git.
Clothes for the gym include -Chairman mao t-shirt,
‘fuck you’ t-shirt
‘hey ladies’ t-shirt
No labels for me!
Walking is not exericse as you point out quite correctly. If you walk for 5 hours over hills that is exercise, but walking around a council estate is not. Neither is gardening. Thats bollocks.
Right, I have gone on a bit too much here. Off to the gym for a sweaty old time.
Yeah but, from your description I am sure she was getting a proper sweat on doing her waddle to the shops for more lucazade.
*hides shell suit*
The police need to have a clear distinction between speed-waddling and hurry-waddling, because they might accidentally arrest JonnyB in need of a ‘comfort stop’.
I have a friend who drives to the gym, only 2 kilometres away. I don’t get it.
If you do it for 30 mins a day it can be good for you….
….. walking can help too.
Boom Boom.
ps. I drive to my gym. I believe this is common as most have car parks.
Dr J — what exercise do you get?
Mrs Lard– *in search of weight loss miracle* Well I walk the dog.
Yep. ‘fraid that’s just walking. Not proper exercise. Depressingly familiar scenario. And Mrs L always swathed in trackie and trainers. Usually faux Nikes or Reeboks. Amazing what you can get at boot sales.
Katy – Does it stop others sniffing her bum?
RD – Any “fuck you (unless you’re a lady)” t-shirts?
BoT – I could’ve moonwalked quicker
greavsie – hides it in 1988?
z – I think the clutching of groin area would give him away, or maybe increase his arrest potential?
Dr C – 30 mins? flash bastard
Dr J – Chase her with a gun then. You can prescribe that right?
Er, I don’t exercise. When I did, I used to drive to the gym. A kilometre away.
Now, I just fuck. I recommend it.
NF – if we all relied on that, obesity would be a huge(er) problem. Unless you’re offering the readers some sort of Personal Training service?
I’ve just left a job where I was working 12hr shifts sat at a desk, and walking feels like bloody exercise to me
better idea roller blades and let the dog pull you down the road!
but nike are so chav ish, and in general hate sports clothes, so horrible….. so common
Dr Clip, the car park is there for people joining the gym, wile the owners sit in the absolutele certain knowledge that 90% of the people that drove to the gym will never be seen inside its walls again.
and i like the sound of the nf girl service
Oli – take a number dear.
Hehehe. Just kidding.
If its into the triple digits I may have to queue jump =p
A race walker overtook you when you were out jogging?
Not entirely unexpected: they can go astonishingly fast
But.. but… but… walking is one of THE best exercises for you. Walking in water is even better but you’d look more twattish I reckon. And the dog wouldn’t like it.
Personally I find wading in treacle a good all round exercise and consequently getting nowhere fast.