My car needs an MOT.
After a brief search of that there t’internet I find a local garage that provides a While-U-wait service. I book my car in and drive over at lunch-time so that they can do whatever it is that they do during an MOT test.
Whilst in the middle of doing whatever-it-is-that-they-do it becomes completely and blindingly apparent that the While-U-Wait notice at any form of commercial organisation, whether it be a Garage, Opticians or Cobblers, means exactly the same thing. It means we have somewhere for you to sit whilst we dawdle around doing whatever-it-is-that-we-do.
It does NOT have anything to do with the speed of the service. It simply means that they don’t mind if you hang around drinking their acrid coffee and reading three year-old What Car magazines whilst your service is rendered or your product prepared.
The garage I selected has a large window into the service area so you can see the progress of the work on your car. I’m sure this would be very useful if I had any idea what goes on during an MOT. I am also convinced that this is a one way mirror like in the movies, as there is no way anyone would work as slowly as my mechanic does on my car if you knew you were being watched by the owner. I assume his occasional glances at the window are to check his hair in what must seem like a mirror, as my exasperated demeanor no more than an inch from the glass does nothing to speed up his work.
It would be much more accurate if in future these signs read, “MOT’s while U Wait, but certainly no quicker than if you were to fuck off and come back this afternoon”.
After a 105 minute lunch break I return to the office and the accusatory glances of my colleagues.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Apologise to your colleagues for being late, tell them you were having your dick sucked by an old whore and you wanted to make sure you got your moneys worth.
LOL! Good post, Mr Angry. I hate fucking garages. Well, I actually just hate garages, not fucking them. Er… I don’t like fucking them either… Oh forget it.
Truth in advertising, the delivered what they promised, they just didn’t clarify!
You have to admit, “MOT While you wait… for a very long time while we have at least 4 cuppas, read the Sun, discuss East Enders in depth and scope out now less that 5 of the “laaadies” walking in front of the shop before for we do nothing and hand over your MOT form for an outrageous amount of money” doesn’t quite sell as well.
RD – there would be coronaries all round if I said that. Hmmm….
Simon – does that apply to all commercial outlets?
BoT – A little truth wouldn’t go amiss every now and again!
while you wait is the biggest load of bollax ever, once worked in this place and they would like make tea then come back read heat or some other gem of high brow intellectual garbage before then starting the job. While you wait is not gonna make it go faster unless you inform the service provider that your a great tipper and that you can put a lot of business their way.
If the mechanic is paid by the hour… he’ll not work any faster but if his paid per car your ass would be back in it in half the time. People who do Nixers (private jobs in their own time, without employers knowledge) can be more fast and more friendly as the money is going in to their pocket directly.
Hmm.
Arguably, there is no service that isn’t performed whilst you wait. For example, my Dell laptop took several weeks to arrive from somewhere not in London. The fact that I chose to do my waiting in North London in no way alters the fact that it was delivered whilst I waited. If you dropped your car off for its MOT and went back to work, you would still be waiting for your car to be MOT’d, you’d just be doing other stuff as well as waiting.
So “whilst you wait” is a meaningless phrase used to convince the gullible that they’re getting some sort of bargain, not unlike “up to” – as in “lasts for up to sixteen washes” (in the sense that the phrase “up to” clearly includes the number “zero).