March 2006

Don't say it Grandma

March 20, 2006

Old people are great aren’t they? Apart from the faint smell of piss and stories about the war of course (I’ve seen countless movies about it, I know what happened, no need to go on about it, Jeesh). Oh, and the false teeth. There’s something quite sinister about talking to an 90 year old man [...]

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You gets yer money you takes yer chance…

March 19, 2006

It’s unfortunate, I’ll give you that. No-one likes to see someone suffering needlessly, unless of course they’re child molesters, in Al Quaeda or are James Blunt, but I don’t have too much sympathy for the guys in hospital after a problematic drugs trial. It’s not like they were doing it for the good of mankind. [...]

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Multitask schmultitask

March 18, 2006

A lady by the name of Donna Maddock has recently been convicted of dangerous driving after being caught putting her make-up on whilst driving. Surely this must help us put-to-bed once and for all the myth that women can multitask? One point that appears to have been missed however, is that this successful prosecution reminds [...]

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Pick up your shit…

March 17, 2006

…literally. Yesterday I did something I’ve not done for many many years. I trod dogshit into the carpet of Livid Towers. I can assure you I was not a happy-fucking-bunny. The cold air had clearly masked the smell before I reached home. I think the neighbours probably think I murdered someone in a fit of [...]

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My boiler is fixed

March 16, 2006

Hurrah! I am no longer living like a refugee in Victorian times and have hot water and central heating once again. He came at 8:15 this morning, just like he said he would and despite looking like a recently reformed football hooligan, he had it fixed and working by 10:30. All is well with the [...]

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The List

March 15, 2006

Cast your mind back a couple of years. I was watching an episode of Friends with my then girlfriend. The episode involved Ross having a ‘list’ of people that he can sleep with if the opportunity ever presented itself. I think his list included Monica Bellucci (no idea why, maybe he likes pouty foreign birds?) [...]

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My boiler is broken

March 14, 2006

It’s something to do with the pump aparently. Anyway, it blew the electrics, which I tripped back on in the morning, but the boiler is not working. The Chatty Plumber came round to rid me of this months disposable income and after bringing me up to date on everything that has happened to him in [...]

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Always one better

March 13, 2006

Everyone knows someone like Bill. It doesn’t matter what it is you’ve done or achieved, he’ll better it. In the same way that you can predict Pete Dohertys drug offences with unerring certainty and regularity, he will, without fail, have a story where he has done better than you. It doesn’t matter what it is [...]

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Shoot me now

March 12, 2006

Not exactly topical anymore, but I’ve been reading this weekend about Dick Cheney shooting his mate Harry Whittington (no relation to Dick). Although he’s now out of hospital, it raised a couple of questions. Just how bad is Dick Cheneys eyesight for mistaking a lawyer for a quail? At what point do you become powerful [...]

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Who will win?

March 11, 2006

A conversation last Saturday night prior to the boxing match between Joe Clazaghe and Jeff Lacy. “You’re talking shite Angry, utter fucking shite”, said my mate Fit Mike. “You’re entitled to your opinion, regardless of how completely fucking deranged it may be”, I replied. “It’s just simply not possible. No way.” “I’m telling you now, [...]

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