I’d been in Portugal for a few days for a friends wedding, there’d been some good bits – drunken renditions of “Only You” by the Flying Pickets, and some not so good, like losing to a knock-out three nights on the trot to Portugals very own Super-lager, SuperBock.
I arrived at the airport to go home and decided against eating there as the food is generally expensive and not all that great. Having chosen not to fly with a budget airline this time I could look forward to a meal on the return journey included with my fare.
“What’s the meal on the way back?”, I asked the stewardess after we’d taken off.
“Turkey Roll and a salad”, she replied.
Turkey roll, Hmmm, I’m not too keen on the sound of that, but a nice fresh salad after eating crap for four days wouldn’t go amiss. Bring it on I think to myself.
The food arrives arrives, and the roll is as expected, but I eat it first anyway as I’m hungry. I then open the salad but it looks like it’s just bits of carrot. No, not carrot sticks with assorted dressings. Just carrot shavings. Y’know, the shit you throw away if you use a potato peeler on one. I bury my way through the bowl assuming the good stuff must be at the bottom, it must have been messed up during transit, this can not be it surely?Luckily, I do find something at the bottom. Unfortunately it’s a small square-shaped piece of limp lettuce. And that is it.
What sort of fucking salad is that? I’d be ashamed to serve that crap at the animal shelter.
I didn’t think I’d be able to do it justice here, and I haven’t. So, I got out my phone and after several minutes assessing the risk of my Nokia 6230i sending the plane plummeting earthwards like a fucking dart I turned it on and took the photo. You can see it below. Oh, and we didn’t plummet earthwards like a fucking dart.
Have you ever seen such a fucking pathetic excuse for a salad? I swear to God I’d not eaten a thing before taking the snap. I’m just glad I’d had the forsight to purchase a jumbo Toblerone in Duty Free.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I once got served a fish paste roll on a flight to Paris.
Fish. Fucking. Paste.
I nearly threw up.
cant believe you lost to superbock, anyone can beat that easily
NF – At least you knew what you were getting with fish paste…. “salad” was misleading in the extreme
MW – A rematch is under negotiation…
please ensure no rabid dogs are in attendance……
Once on a flight from Boston to Dublin, got this beef casserole thing. It tasted half decent but in the space of 30 minutes i developed a severe reaction to it. Imagine the worst from of projectile vomitting and food poisioning on a boeing 747. It was so bad they declared the middle zone of the plane a biohazard area. Me zoning in and out of consiousness, delierious, serious electrolyte imbalance and generally no knowing where i was, found my self having been kicked off the plane and told to find my way to a hospital or doctor.
thus the point of my story no matter how hungery you are never eat airline food or you could have the worst flight of you life.
K – that puts my episode to shame… but flying to Boston is hardly cheapo-flying!
Blimey. Were you not accidentally in the rabbit-keeping part of the hold?
That’s not salad! That’s limp lettuce and no mistake!
Vile!
Imagine if they’d have picked up your err black box if you’d have darted down to earth pretty smartish?
‘Err it’s errr…. NOT a salad!’
I need to stab my eyes just to remove the horror of what you were served up.
Disgusting.
Sooz – A rabbit would’ve turned up it’s nose at that
RD – you’re not wrong, it was horrific.