My head is pounding. The thought of food repulses me. The local Afro-Caribbean steel drum band are performing an impromptu gig somewhere around my cerebellum. My body is entirely bereft of moisture and the only thing that can now save me from a painful and lingering death is the orange juice in the fridge. Cold, wet, refreshing, live giving orange juice.
There it is, pretty much all alone in the fridge apart from the despicable cans of lager that brought me to this state. Never again I tell myself. Again. Thank the Lord for orange juice though. I reach for it, anticipating it’s invigorating restorative effects. I know that I am just seconds away from the start of my return to normality. A tiny smile invades my face.
Hang on though.
The carton is too light. This isn’t right. I can’t have become exceptionally strong overnight could I? It should weigh more than this. And why can’t I hear any sloshing? Orange juice sloshes. Especially when you shake the carton as I am now. Where is the sloshing? With some trepidation I open the carton and lift it to my mouth and tip it. Higher and higher. I already know the outcome but it doesn’t stop me tipping it higher still till I’m actually shaking it upside down.
It’s empty. I know that now. If there was even one ounce of spare moisture in my body I’d probably shed a tear. There can be only one explanation for why the orange juice carcass is still in the fridge.
I gather the nearest sharp implement and make my way upstairs to kill my flatmate in his sleep.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t be silly. Beer is the best cure for hangover (after pork-belly soup with lots of hot pepper). Orange juice is for vodka
Howdo Alex, and welcome, make yourself at home.
As anyone who knows me will tell you, hair of the dog doesn’t work with me. The best advice I can give is to leave me alone in a darkened room. Under no circumstances annoy me. I’m much like the lion with a thorn in it’s paw – except I’d eat any passing Christian rather than let him help me.
Chicken cuppa soup – always sorts me out.