How was that virtual sex for you?

I saw an article in a magazine the other day about the growth of something called ‘virtual sex’. Apparently loads of people are logging on to webcams in order to partake in this new illicit craze. Especially in Canada, for reasons not explained.

Celebrities are doing it, teenagers are doing, there are even happily married couples trying it. I must admit I was more than a little peeved that I’ve not yet had a chance to do it. So, I’ve done some extensive research on this phenomenon, purely in the interests of education you understand, and the only conclusion I can draw, is that virtual sex appears to be exactly the same as ‘wanking’.

That’s right. ‘Virtual sex’, that new activity all the rage with the sexually depraved, the one that sounds quite ‘kinky’, and more than a little intriguing, is in fact, plain old fashioned WANKING!

Do you think magazines would be as interested in the growth of the phenomenon of wanking? I doubt it very much indeed.

Apparently it’s safe, pleasurable, not liable to get you a divorce, and it’s stress free. A bit like wanking really. Which is what it is.

Whatever next?

Virtual Bondage – or “doing your belt up a notch too tight” to the rest of us.

Simulated fornication – or “dipping into the wank bank” for those in a bit of dry spell.

Please can we stop calling it virtual sex, and get back to calling it ‘wanking over a computer’, which is really what it is you absolute virtual-sexers!