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The worst jokes I have ever written

A couple of years ago I got a short-lived, but reasonably lucrative gig writing jokes for a mobile phone company. I know this sounds amazingly glamorous, but in reality meant a lot of staring out of windows, eating biscuits and creating puns so bad they physically hurt to put into words on the screen.

Killing me softly, with her words

The human body is a wonderful device. It has all sorts of clever ways of telling you when something is wrong with it. It can make you sick, it can make you pass out, it can even make it feel like your heart is about to leap from your chest in the search of a few fleeting moments of rest. Which is how I felt as her words were shouted at me.

I've got one of those faces

I’m sure we’ve all been caught in a conversation with someone we don’t know, whereupon when one of you has said, “Oh, I guess I’ve just got one of those faces.” But the thing is, I really do have one of those faces.

JonnyB writes a book!!!

Those of you who have been on the Internet for more than a couple of years will no doubt know and love JonnyB.  His Private Secret Diary is one of the funniest things on the Internet (well, it’s in the top couple of thousand, easy),…

Updates and that…

Every time I sit down and think, “I should write something for the blog” I almost immediately find myself thinking, “I should save that for the podcast”. It’s difficult, because I am torn between the desire to write down lots of jokes about how Ben…

My new scar

Scars are cool. I heard that somewhere once. I’m pretty sure the words I heard next were, “Chicks dig guys with scars”. I’m also pretty confident that what they meant to say was, “Chicks dig guys with scars – as long as they weren’t earned in a ridiculously embarrassing manner.”

I done a book

I realise that hardly anyone visits these pages these days, seeing as I never write anything any more.  But the truth is, I have been writing, just not here.  My other pet project, NewsArse, has been keeping me very busy indeed, and we’ve now released…

Wonky Donkey

In the late 90’s, at the height of their Saturday morning television fame, Ant and Dec had a game on their show called Wonky Donkey. The aim of the game was to guess what the animal was on the screen in front of you. The…

Too little, too late

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP It is the familiar sound of a text message. At the thankfully unfamiliar time of 7:15am. “Please can you bleep out all my swearing?  Please?” asks Fat Jim in the message itself. It is the morning after…

It's Bad Gag Day!

It is finally here! Today, you can log in to Twitter and post your bad jokes adding the phrase ‘#badgag’ at the end.  This hashtag will let other people, including non-twitterers, follow the day’s gags as they appear. If you don’t use Twitter, you can…